Felt It All Before
by Miss Peg
Summary: 10 years later; Naomi & Emily are friends; best friends. They've moved on from college, have new loves & new lives. But when things change for the people around them, they find themselves pushed together in more ways than one. / Naomily, Cook/Katie
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer:** I don't own Skins. I do own a copy of the DVD and book.**

Summary: **Ten years later; Naomi and Emily are friends, best friends. They've moved on from their relationship in college, have new loves and new lives that mix regularly. But when things change for the people around them, they find themselves pushed together in more ways than one.**

Author Notes: **New story, hoping it won't be all doom and gloom, we'll see. Please review. :-)**

---

**Felt It All Before**

Emily sat at her desk, staring at the calendar on the wall; contemplating the world and everything in it. There were four days until her twenty-seventh birthday, four days until another year will have passed her by. Birthdays always made her feel like she was getting old, she _was _getting older. Time seemed to keep on turning, even when she didn't want it to and though it scared her sometimes, she was supposed to be happy. A yawn escaped her lips, covered by her hand as she leant back against her computer chair.

'Boring you already?' Naomi's voice filled the room, pulling her from her thoughts.

'Oh shit,' she gasped, turning around. 'I didn't realise you were here.'

Naomi shrugged her shoulders and walked across the room, settling herself in the spare chair beside Emily. 'I'm on my way to pick up Joel, thought I'd stop by and say hello.'

'You could have waited until later,' Emily muttered, raising an eyebrow at the baffled blonde.

'Maybe I wanted to see you now,' Naomi responded, picking up the wooden cube puzzle that Emily kept on her desk and setting to work at solving it.

The level of focus that Naomi seemed to have, her eyes narrowing carefully at each piece of the puzzle, concerned Emily. She knew her well, knew which expressions meant what. From her distracted look, Emily knew there was something going on.

'Alright Campbell,' she muttered. 'Talk.'

'What?' Naomi asked, glancing up with uncertainty.

'I'm a youth counsellor Naomi, it's my job to see past the blasé looks and we've known each other for twelve years, you can't play the confused card with me.'

A sigh escaped Naomi's open mouth, like letting air out of a balloon. 'Have I ever told you how annoying you are?'

'You tell me every week,' Emily laughed.

'Al wants us to have another baby.'

It didn't really surprise her, instead a small grin crept onto Emily's face as she told Naomi how great it was. But the deflated look in Naomi's eyes made Emily backtrack.

'You don't?'

Naomi tucked her lip under her tooth. 'It's not that I don't want another one. Joel is fantastic, I couldn't have asked for anything better. But he's at that stage where he's finally getting some independence. He doesn't rely on me for every little thing.'

'Ahh,' Emily noted. 'You've just got your life back and you don't want to lose it again.'

Naomi shrugged. 'Something like that.'

'And what has the great Naomi Campbell done about this so far?'

Two blue eyes glanced at her, glaring with such intensity that Emily could only laugh. Naomi muttered something under her breath, her eyes rolling upwards. Emily coughed, trying to mask her insanely large smile. The sarcasm in her voice was only ever reserved for the equally sarcastic Naomi, but on this occasion she wondered if she'd overstepped the mark.

'Just fucking say it already,' Naomi snapped.

'You can't expect Al to know what you're thinking Naomi,' she informed her, honestly. 'You always were pretty crap at this side of relationships, weren't you?'

'I don't want to hurt him.'

Emily reached out, steadying Naomi's active hand, holding it down over a piece of the wooden puzzle. 'It's commendable, but it's not how you should play this. You know that, don't you? You can't keep running when things get difficult.'

'You don't think I know that?' Naomi gasped, rubbing her temple with her spare hand. 'I don't want to still be this stupid fuck up, I've been doing well Emily, I've really been trying my hardest to handle things on my own.'

'I know you have,' Emily whispered. 'But Al loves you and I assume you love him too from the way you were kissing him at our last dinner party.'

Naomi rolled her eyes. 'Please, don't remind me. He's not let me live that drunken night down.'

'Just tell him how you feel and he'll be okay with it.'

A smile and a thank you later, Emily found herself staring at her friend. She looked a little lost, unsure about her life as it stood. Things were usually going well and though Emily didn't mind picking up the pieces when it wasn't, she couldn't help wonder how Naomi had managed to keep hold of her husband.

'Now you'd best go and pick up my beautiful Godson before you're late. Don't go spreading my advice giving to my boss; it's all about helping the young people find their own answers here. But you're Naomi and you need a bloody good kick up the backside sometimes.'

Naomi rolled her eyes again, making Emily smile. The blonde stood up, embracing Emily briefly before she walked out of the office. The silence that followed seemed to consume her, fill her thoughts with everything that had been in her head before her best friend had walked through the door. She didn't mind giving advice, sorting out Naomi's problems when she was too stubborn or inept to do it herself. But for once, she just wished that Naomi would notice that _she _wasn't okay and do the same in return.

*

'Are you okay?'

A pair of arms slid around Emily's shoulders, wrapping her up tightly from behind in an embrace. She rested a hand against her girlfriend's wrist, twisting up until her lips could reach the luscious red lips of the girl she loved. Gabriella pulled away, stroking a hand along her cheek until Emily stood up and let the dark haired woman pull her into a full embrace.

'I guess.'

'Do you want to cancel tonight?' Gabriella asked, holding her at arms length so that they could look into each other's eyes. 'I'm sure Naomi and Al understand.'

Emily pulled away, returned to the seat at her dressing table and continued to apply her make up. It was harder now, harder to ignore what was so blatantly present in her mind. She brushed away a couple of tears.

'No. They don't know.'

'What?' Gabriella asked, sitting on the edge of the bed and staring at Emily. 'But you tell Naomi everything.'

'It just didn't feel right,' Emily whispered, coughing to disguise her teary voice. 'Al wants them to start trying and Naomi isn't sure, they've got their own things going on.'

'Emily,' Gabriella sighed, rubbing her eyes.

'I'm fine Gabs, it's fine,' Emily muttered, applying eyeliner.

They'd been together for four years, even before they officially started a relationship, they spent a year in constant contact. Aside from Naomi, Gabs was Emily's best friend. She loved her deeply and she usually told Gabriella everything.

'I'll be downstairs checking my emails, call me when you're ready to go.'

Emily waited until the door closed behind her, before turning around. She stared at the wooden frame, like staring at it would make a difference, would change what was going on. Eventually she finished getting dressed, wiping away any stray tears and reapplying her make up to remove the smudges from her cheeks.

*

The dinner was cooking, Joel was sound asleep in bed and Naomi was tucked up beside Al resting against his chest. They loved each other, Naomi knew that, she knew that he cared for her deeper than anyone had before. Except for one. But things change, people change and she was happy in her life.

'I don't think I want to change how things are,' Naomi mumbled, running a hand along the front of Al's shirt. 'I like not having a baby in the house right now.'

Al seemed to tense up under her touch, making Naomi regret her words. 'It's not like we'll be having a baby right now.'

'I know,' Naomi noted. 'But I like where we're at. With Joel.'

'Nao,' Al sighed, sitting up, forcing her away from him. 'We haven't talked about this, you said we could talk about this. But now, ten minutes before our friends are due to arrive. It's not the time.'

Naomi let out a breath, wondered why it hurt so much to merely breath. 'I'm sorry. I just thought you'd understand.'

'I do,' Al muttered. 'But it's not as simple as that.'

'Why not?' Naomi asked, staring him down, challenging him.

The conversation stopped abruptly, a loud knock on the door suggesting the arrival of their guests. Naomi opened her mouth to speak, to ask Al to not open the door just yet. But it was too late.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer:** I don't own Skins. I do own a copy of the DVD and book.**

Summary: **Ten years later; Naomi and Emily and friends, best friends. They've moved on from their relationship in college, have new loves and new lives that mix regularly. But when things change for the people around them, they find themselves pushed together in more ways than one.**

Author Notes: **Next chapter is up...obviously, haha. Hope you enjoy! Thanks for all the comments, really appreciate them. Please review. :-)**

---

**Felt It All Before**

'Anyone for a top up?' Al asked, holding out a bottle of wine as Emily pushed her glass towards him.

'You've had more than enough,' Gabriella noted, tussling with Emily for a moment, until she was forced to give up.

'It's just a couple more than usual, I'm fine,' Emily assured her, even though she could feel the haze in her head, regretted drinking anything when she realised the alcohol was doing nothing to mask her pain. She reached out to the glass, missed it and before she was able to react, the red liquid went flying across the table.

'For fucks sake,' she called out, trying to react, but not being fast enough. In the end she just sat back and watched as Gabriella, Naomi and Al tried to salvage the cloth place mats; Gabs apologising repeatedly.

'What is going on with you tonight?' Naomi asked once the table had been cleared and Gabriella was in the kitchen helping Al to sort through the dishes.

'Nothing,' Emily whispered, her mood changing. The weird mix of being drunk and merry vanishing in favour of an innate sadness. She let herself settle against the sofa, her hand resting over her forehead.

'Emily,' Naomi spoke, sitting beside her.

'You don't ever ask,' she replied, pressing her lips together to stop the tears from flowing.

'I don't ask what?' Naomi questioned, her eyes narrowed in confusion and concern.

'For fucks sake Naomi, don't you even have a fucking clue?'

Naomi was taken aback, had not witnessed Emily this down in a long time. As long as she'd known her, she always seemed pretty happy. Except for the issues with her parents when they were in college.

'What is wrong?' Naomi questioned, resting a hand on her shoulder with concern.

Emily took a deep breath. She didn't want to tell her anymore. She wanted to keep it in, to pretend that it wasn't happening. Even though it was virtually impossible to stop it from invading every inch of her thinking space.

'Just tell me Emily, if it's something I've done, I want to know Ems.'

'But you don't want to know if it's nothing to do with you, well that's just fucking great, isn't it.'

'That's not true. Emily. Why are you being like this?'

'You don't know me Naomi, not like you should. You fucking think you do, but what am I feeling right now? Do you know what is going on? Because it's been going on for a while. Two weeks to be fucking precise and how much do you know? How much do you fucking know, you selfish cow?!'

Emily regretted her words. They stung in the same way she imagined them stinging Naomi. It was a step too far and Emily was all too aware of their respective partners having joined them.

'Emily, stop this,' Gabriella called out, tugging on her hand, attempting to stand her up.

'What's going on?' Al frowned, glancing from Emily to the bright red, teary eyed face of his wife.

'Emily was just leaving,' Naomi mumbled, shutting herself down quickly.

'Yeah, we should probably get back,' Gabriella noted, wrapping an arm around Emily's waist, holding her up as she picked up their belongings.

'Guess we'll see you soon,' Al called out, an unsure look settling in his dark, brown eyes.

'Yeah,' Gabriella replied. 'I'm sorry about Emily.'

Emily huffed beside her. 'Don't fucking apologise, she should fucking apologise.'

Gabriella rolled her eyes, forcing Emily to walk out of the house. The second they were in the car, Gabriella turned to Emily with a look of indignation.

'What is wrong with you?'

'She's a cold hearted bitch.'

Gabriella scoffed. 'Don't be so fucking pedantic. They're our friends. They invited us into their home and you spend the last twenty minutes laying into Naomi like you don't even care.'

Emily bit her lip, could feel herself starting to sober up slightly. Gabs was right, she couldn't deny that. But that didn't make the weight settled on her heart lift.

'I can't do this anymore Gabs. She's my fucking sister. I can't keep forgetting that Katie is going through the worst time of her life right now. Why can't I forget that?'

Gabriella reached out, pressing her hands against Emily's heated cheeks, brushing away the tears. Eventually her hands settled on Emily's shoulders.

'You're a feeler Emily, it's what I love so much about you. You don't feel sorry for people, especially not the people you care about. You feel the pain they're going through.'

She closed her eyes, didn't want to be there. Emily rubbed them, turned away from Gabs, as the dark haired woman started up the engine and drove them away. She couldn't talk, couldn't find any words as they drove home in silence.

*

Al cleaned up around her, removing glasses and the snack dish that Gina had given them one Christmas. Naomi just watched, the tears that had fallen now stuck against her face in a mess of teary stains. She felt sad. They didn't argue, not really. Once in a while they had a disagreement over something like Free Range eggs or the government, but they didn't get into personal arguments that left one or both of them feeling low. It made it all worse because things with Al weren't good either. She rubbed her temples, willed the headache that lingered to go away, begging the world to turn back twelve hours in the hope of fixing what had gone on.

'She'll wake up tomorrow, regret what happened and apologise,' Al assured her, sitting down next to her.

'I don't know if she will,' Naomi sighed, feeling a ray of hope that Al and her were actually okay.

'She will,' Al repeated. 'She won't give up a friendship on something stupid.'

'It's not stupid though, is it?' Naomi asked, moving closer, allowing Al's arms to drape around her as she settled against his chest. She noted how easy it was to be with him, to let him comfort her. How easy it was to do the same with Emily. She was a taker; someone all too willing to share her worries when someone asked. But she never asked back in return.

'I'm sorry,' she whispered, the word rough against her throat as she forced it out.

'You're sorry for telling me you don't want another baby, or sorry for bringing it up at the wrong time?' Al checked.

Naomi wrapped her arms around him, cherished the feel of his arms doing the same. He was the one, he had always been the one.

'I'm just, sorry,' Naomi muttered. 'I want us to talk about it, properly. I want you to tell me how you feel.'

'How about we sleep on it?' Al suggested.

'But,'

'It's obviously hitting a nerve for both of us,' Al pointed out. 'We have the rest of our lives together Nao, we can wait another day before we decide.'

Naomi moved, reached up until her lips found Al's. The soft touch of his mouth pressed against her own, their tongues passing secrets back and forth that only they knew. She'd only kissed a handful of people in her life properly and even though Emily came in at a close second, Naomi always prided Al for his amazing talent.

'I love you,' she whispered into his kiss.

He muttered it back, reminding Naomi abruptly that she didn't just love someone, that they loved her too. They were in love, sharing their lives with each other in a special way. She often shut herself off, tried to stop herself from hurting by ignoring everything. The one thing she couldn't ignore was her husband; there, being supportive, no matter what. She pulled back, stared into the eyes he shared with their son and everything fell into place.

'Let's do it,'

'Let's do what?'

'Try to have another baby.'

'But you said,' Al began, his eyes narrowing with concern.

'I know what I said. If I'm honest,'

'Which you almost never are,' Al smirked, Naomi sent her elbow into his side playfully.

'Hey! I love you and I love, Joel. We're a family. I've never had a family this big before. I hated being an only child, I was lonely and a miserable sod.'

'You still are,'

Naomi shook her head, rolling her eyes sarcastically. 'If anything happened to one of us, I don't want our son growing up with just one other person in his life.'

'I don't think that would happen,' Al assured her. 'Your mum adores him. Emily and Gabs are like extra mothers to him.'

'I want more children Alonzo. I really do. I didn't think now was the right time, but I was being selfish. I don't think there's ever a right time to have a baby. We just have to make it right when it finally happens.'

'And you're sure about this? We can wait a couple of days, there's no rush.'

Naomi let out a laugh, pressing her lips against Al's mouth, begging for entry with her tongue. She ran her hands along the opening of his shirt, pressing a hand under the material as she moved her lips to his neck.

'I think we might as well get started.'

*

The car pulled into the driveway, alerting Katie to the arrival of her sister. She stared up, waited patiently for Emily or Gabriella to notice her presence. She wiped her eye of tears, sniffed loudly until she found her composure. She didn't know why she'd come. She didn't know what time it was or how long she'd been sat there, but she could feel the cold air numbing her toes. Emily's eyes narrowed on her, lingering for a moment longer than usual.

'Katie?' she whispered, her voice huskier than usual.

She tried to keep herself together, even pulled the sleeve of her jacket back up to her face to push the fresh tears away. Emily looked tired and drunk.

'I should go,' she muttered, standing up, not wanting to intrude. It had to be late. It was Friday. Emily and Gabs were dressed a little smarter than usual. It wasn't a good time, she decided.

'Wait,' Gabriella spoke, her hand resting on Emily's back.

'Wh, what time is it?' Katie questioned, searching her body for her phone. She didn't even have any pockets. The mistake made her cry further, made a number of sobs escape her lips.

'Em,' she began, choking up before she could even say her whole name.

She didn't need to. Emily was moving forwards, her arms outstretched. It didn't matter that she was drunk, she still managed to stumble her way over until her arms were wrapped tightly around Katie's shoulders. The older twin, though considerably smaller thanks to Emily's shoes, let go. The sobbing grew harder and they had no choice but to sit back down on the front step of the house.

'I'll go put the kettle on,' Gabriella muttered, managing to sneak past them and unlock the door.

'I can't do this,' Katie cried, pawing at her eyes, not wanting to give in to the overwhelming feelings that continued to take her over.

'Where are Meg and Allie?'

'With dad,' she gasped, the reminder of her children making her cry harder. The thought of them going to bed without her there, not seeing their faces as they fell asleep. They _needed _her, but as much as she couldn't bare being without them, she couldn't bare the feeling of being with them either; of lying to them.

'Oh Katie,' Emily sighed, clinging to her with enough strength to keep Katie sane.

'He's in jail Emily, how the fuck do I explain that to our children?'

Emily paused, brushed a few strands of Katie's hair back from her sodden face. 'I don't know, but you'll find a way.'

'I went to see him today,' Katie whispered. 'He's pleading guilty.'

'But he said he didn't do it,' Emily frowned.

'What James Cook says and what he does are two different things, it was obvious when he was seventeen and it's fucking obvious now.'

'So why's he doing it?'

'If he doesn't plead guilty and it goes to trial, he could get up to fourteen years. If he admits it, they'll be more lenient.'

'Fuck Katie,' Emily gasped, her hand resting against her head.

'In fourteen years the girls will be teenagers, they'll be adult teenagers. He's going to miss their whole fucking life.'

'How long will he get if he pleads guilty?'

'His solicitor said about. That's still seven years.'

'If he's good though, he might get early release. You know what they say, just half the sentence. He might be home in three or four years.'

Katie rested her head against Emily's shoulder and let out a sigh. 'I don't know if I want him home.'


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer:** I don't own Skins. I do own a copy of the DVD and book.**

Summary: **Ten years later; Naomi and Emily and friends, best friends. They've moved on from their relationship in college, have new loves and new lives that mix regularly. But when things change for the people around them, they find themselves pushed together in more ways than one.**

Author Notes: **Just to warn you, this one talks about a certain criminal act...that isn't exactly the nicest thing to head about and isn't THAT detailed but is slightly.**

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**Felt It All Before**

There was a sharp headache lingering in the back of Katie's head when she awoke. It was the kind of pain that reminded her of when she was a small child and spent half the night in tears because of a nightmare. The last time she'd suffered one of those headaches had been the day of her tenth birthday; she'd eaten too much ice cream, thrown up on her then boyfriend, who subsequently dumped her, leading to a night of sobbing on her mum's shoulder. The familiarity didn't escape her, the same unsettled sleep, the same sharp pain that seemed to inch its way forwards. She opened her eyes slowly, hated that the sun was peeping through the gap in the curtain. She twisted around to find Emily waking up beside her, her cheeks still red and blotchy from the tears Katie heard long after she was supposed to have fallen asleep. She smiled briefly, didn't want to look too happy but didn't feel much like being a complete downer either.

'You look better,' Emily whispered, sitting up against the head board.

'Knock, knock,' came a voice as Gabriella entered the room, a tray of mugs in her hands.

Katie smiled in appreciation. 'Sorry for kicking you out of your bed last night,' she muttered, running a hand through her tangled hair.

'It's fine,' Gabs assured her, perching on the end of the bed. 'The spare bed is pretty comfy actually.'

Katie nodded her head, accepted the mug of steaming coffee, which she gulped down. The burning of the hot liquid was only partially regretful when a wave of overwhelming emotion hit her all over again. Emily's hand slipped across her knee, squeezing gently.

'What do you have planned for today?' she asked, sipping on her own drink.

'I need to go see the girls, I can't leave them with dad too much longer or Allie will start to panic. She's not been settled since, well, since,' Katie trailed off, didn't feel much like saying his name. It hurt to think about him, hurt to _not _think about him.

'Do you want us to come? We could spend the day together,' Emily suggested.

Nodding, Katie smiled at Emily, wondered how she'd become so good at faking a happy expression even to her twin sister. 'Thanks. I don't think I can face it on my own, not at the moment.'

'Things will get better,' Emily assured her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. 'I know I shouldn't say that, but I really believe they will. You're not alone Katie, you've got us and our parents and I'm sure Naomi too probably, when she's not being a bitch that is.'

Gabriella cleared her throat, breaking the silence that followed. 'You need to call her Em.'

'She can fucking call me, I'm sick of being the one who makes the effort,' Emily snapped, harsher than she meant to.

'She's your best friend Emily, you two have been through much worse, like what happened in college.'

Emily rolled her eyes, wasn't really in the mood to discuss her relationship with Naomi. She wasn't in the mood for anything, except helping her sister. 'For fuck's sake, our relationship in college was fine, it's not like it ended badly.'

'It still ended though, didn't it?!' Gabs noted, raising an eyebrow.

Gritting her teeth together made Emily's jaw ache, she ignored Gabriella, didn't want to get into it. Her girlfriend eventually made her excuses, disappeared into her office to do some extra work as Emily got ready. She would have said goodbye when they left the house, but Katie was already on the verge of another break down and if she was honest, she was still pissed off.

*

There wasn't much to do in jail; nobody talked, not about anything significant anyway. Nobody cared you missed your family because they missed theirs too. Nobody wanted to know that your stomach twisted in knots every night from the guilt of what you did. It was lonely. So fucking lonely. The only thing to comfort him, were his thoughts.

His two brown hair, brown eyed girls. Two peas in a pod. They weren't twins, would be a bit weird if they were. But they spent all day, every day with each other. Playing together like friends, _best _friends. Cook thought about them too often. They didn't look much like him, thank God. He was always so confident, so sure of himself. But he knew he wasn't the biggest looker in the world. He was all cock and no feathers. Katie was the beautiful one, the one that stunned him every time he saw her sexy smile and the one their children looked almost exactly like. Nobody respected him before, nobody saw him as anything more than a fuck buddy. He thought he didn't care, that was all he thought he wanted. Until Katie had got under his skin, got past his defences and made him fucking vulnerable. He hated her for it, but not as much as he _loved _her. He actually, really fucking loved her. The thing with Effy in college seemed tame in comparison. A stupid childish game where the only reason he wanted her was because he could have her and it drove Freddie wild.

Him and Katie were in love. Not all flowers and chocolates love, because he was still Cook and Katie still really liked sex as much as he did. His romance was the act, the fucking; the cheeky thong in her lunch when she asked him to make it. The brief visit to her work, just to spend ten minutes in her stationary cupboard, riding her like a pencil in an automatic sharpener. They fit, in a weird sort of way.

Then she got pregnant. He wanted it, he wanted it more than he'd ever wanted anything and other than Katie and booze, there wasn't much he actually did want. They had been together two years and even though they were only twenty one, it didn't matter. He tried to ask her to marry him, but she turned him down. She didn't want it to be 'the right thing to do' she wanted it to be proper. They both knew Rob Fitch had sent a few words his way about marriage, about responsibilities. So he waited until the time felt right. The moment they held their daughter in their arms; Megan Emily Cook, was the moment he asked her to be his wife. He cried, he actually fucking _cried _because he'd never felt love so strong than that day. Love for his baby, love for his girl. He'd never had a family before. It was perfect.

He went out that night to celebrate. Let Freddie persuade him to take ecstasy, even though he knew it wasn't right, wasn't fair. He did it anyway. He felt guilty the next morning when he woke up late and forgot to pick his girls up from the hospital. Katie didn't seem to notice, just wanted him there. It wasn't like she was alone; Auntie Emily was there keeping them company.

That was all he could think about in there. His life, as it was. Pretending he was back there in those days, those moments when everything was perfect and he wasn't waiting to find out if he would be in jail for years. His babies were only six and four, he didn't want them to grow up without him. Was actually really scared to miss that. To miss them and for them to miss him the way he missed out on his own parents.

He sat in the gym, didn't think it was much of one really, just a couple of benches and a load of weights. He lifted them just to pass the time, just to do something with the hour he was allowed in. The only hour he stopped thinking about his girls, stopped thinking about anything.

It was night when he next thought about the woman. He couldn't think of her all the time, not consciously, it would eat him up otherwise. So he waited, always waited until the night. Snoring and s dripping tap, background music to his fucking nightmare. The memories flooded back in a mix of regret and guilt. He couldn't remember how bad it was, couldn't remember much, except for that moment when her body hit the car. He couldn't stop, just kept on driving for a few minutes until he crashed into a fucking pole. The image of that woman's face implanted into his brain until he thought of nothing else for two hours. The dripping water, a brief reminder of the petrol coming from the car when he got out. Nothing reminded him of the explosion, nothing _needed _to. He couldn't forget that. Couldn't forget the thing that woke him up from his severely drug induced night. She was still on the bonnet, still lay there when it went up. Still there for as long as she was going to live because she didn't go to hospital alive. She didn't go anywhere alive again.

He didn't know who she was at the time. Didn't know that she had just had a baby, a baby girl, like the ones he had with Katie. Her third child, her third baby left without a mother. Left without two parents when the woman's husband threw himself off a building because he was in _that much _pain.

He could forgive himself for driving drugged up, he could forgive himself for causing an accident that hurt someone. But he couldn't forgive himself for destroying five lives in one go, altering dozens other, the people who inevitably would have been defeated by the loss of that woman and her husband. Like every night before and Cook suspected every night in the future, he jumped down from his bunk, barely making it to the toilet in time to empty out his stomach. He writhed with pain, his stomach churning up until there was nothing left and he started to dry heave. He couldn't stop, couldn't avoid his body telling him how wrong it all felt. His skin boiling hot, sweating profusely from a reaction to whatever it was going on inside his head. He rested his forehead against the bowl, cherished the cool metal against his head. Until he couldn't focus anymore.

He woke up the next morning to the taste of urine in his mouth, looked up to find his cellmate pissing into the space beside his head. He would have argued, would have fucking punched him, beaten him to a pulp. But he didn't have the energy, didn't think he actually deserved to fight against it. The guy finished off, just shrugged at the look on Cook's face. The day was already starting again, the memories of the night before pushed aside in order to think of his daughters waking up in bed, watching some cheesy kids shows on TV until Katie emerged and made them breakfast. He was with her, like he so often was, wrapping his arms around her waist, kissing her soft lips, his hand moving into her knickers. Cook's hand moving to his cock, pleasuring himself as he did most mornings, with the thought of Katie infiltrating his brain.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer:** I don't own Skins. I do own a copy of the DVD and book.**

Summary: **Ten years later; Naomi and Emily and friends, best friends. They've moved on from their relationship in college, have new loves and new lives that mix regularly. But when things change for the people around them, they find themselves pushed together in more ways than one.**

Author Notes: **I seem to have done the fanfiction hattrick, aka written a chapter for 3 separate stories in the same day. Only I can't upload yet because FFNet is being mean. It's taken me a while to get updated with my fics, this whole working amalarky is tough. At least I've made up for it today.**

---

**Felt It All Before**

Chapter Four

Joel didn't want to settle. Naomi did everything she could to keep him in his pram so that she could actually eat her lunch. But in the end she held him loosely against her chest, rocking him about until he fell asleep with her chin resting on his head.

'Sorry about that, he's had a cold lately, he's not been settling well at all. What were you saying?'

'It's fine. Naomi, can you please fix things with Emily? She doesn't want it to be like this.'

'You think I do? It's not been easy you know.'

'You are one of the most important people in Emily's life, you know how much she hates losing people, or almost losing them.'

'She's not lost me, Emily couldn't lose me.'

Gabriella looked at her indignantly, 'But maybe you could lose her.'

Naomi stared down at her son, watched him dozing in her arms. She tried to remember the last time someone had said those words to her. Her mother. The wise Gina Campbell, too wise sometimes. It was a decision Emily and her had made together. To let each other fly free. It was selfless, an act that near enough destroyed her faith in herself. They chose to separate before uni, knew it was in their best interests. Life could be shit when you weren't with the people you loved, but they tried to tell themselves that it would be easier not having any restrictions. It gave them the chance to live through university, not survive years of being apart. It worked. For the most part. When they met up again everything was different, they had both moved on. They both had different lives that didn't have much time to chance making a new, more adult relationship between them. Gina had asked her before uni if it was the right decision and then she thought it had been. She remembered her exact words to Gina, thought them good enough to use again.

'My relationship with Emily has survived in one way or another through a lot, I think we're strong enough to be okay.'

'Maybe you should try telling Emily that, because she isn't doing very well at the moment. She's got some things going on that she won't tell you about because of this stupid fight.'

'Oh.'

'Things with you Naomi, she doesn't need them now, she just needs you to be the friend you usually are.'

'Hasn't she told you?' Naomi rolled her eyes. 'I'm stubborn, I'm crap at this.'

'Then buy her a bunch of shit flowers, you know how much she likes those cheap straddly things from the supermarket.'

'Doesn't want them to suffer, why can't she just plant some and have them there all the time?' Naomi smirked. 'Saves money.'

'You try telling that to Emily.'

'I have,' Naomi sighed. 'I could try, alright, but no promises.'

'That's all I ask.'

*

Seven locked doors, one bag search, a body scanner and a place to leave anything that isn't needed during the visit and they were inside. Katie had done it before, twice. She hated it more each time. It was even worse with two kids in tow, but at least she had Emily. As they entered the visitor's room, she scanned the prisoners for Cook. He was part way down the left side, his head bent, his eyes narrowing in a way they rarely did. He'd been crying. She could tell he'd been crying. A reminder of why she loved him overwhelmed her, the depth of their relationship, far beyond anything anyone had ever had with him before.

'Table six,' the guard informed when he took their security pass.

He shouted across the room. Katie smiled over at her husband, wished it could be a more genuine one than the false one plastered across her face. His eyes seemed to light up and the two small hands gripping hers were quickly loosened in order for them to rush to their dad.

'Meg, Allie, no,' Katie shouted after them, her voice too small to make a difference.

'Megs, Als, how do?' Cook grinned, standing up, letting his two girls crash against him. A sudden flash of impact, of the car he'd been driving, filled his mind. He pushed it aside, wrapped his arms around his two little girls as he told them how much he'd missed them.

'What do you think you're doing?' came a booming voice from across the room. 'Stand back, step away, do not make contact.'

The regimented statements seemed to capture everyone's attention. Katie felt herself slipping dangerously close to the edge of tears, watching frozen to the spot as one of the guards physically removed her daughters from their father's embrace.

'They're just kids man, don't, please, they're my kids.'

A flash of Emily's red hair moved past her, she seemed to take control. Reached out for the little girls who looked shell shocked, with tears in their eyes. All Katie could focus on, was the depleted look on Cook's face. He shouted, but he didn't scream. He reached out, but he didn't hit out. He was Cook, but he wasn't _The _Cook. He was broken. He was hidden behind a wall of vulnerability that Katie had never seen before.

'I'll take them back out,' Emily informed her, mumbling as she guided the girls back towards the entrance of the room. Katie nodded, even though they'd already gone; took tentative steps towards her husband, towards the man she loved more than almost anyone else. He wasn't the same. He wasn't _her _James. She sat down opposite him, cautiously looked up into his eyes, scared of what she would find. His eyes were hollowed out, empty. It broke her heart and she didn't know if it would ever be repaired after so many knocks.

'I'm sorry,' she whispered, turning back to the door, half expecting the rest of their family to be stood there watching. 'I should have told them.'

'No, they tell us not to respond, I shoulda just stopped them.'

'Okay,' Katie replied, placing her hand on the table, awaiting Cook's hand to rest on top of it, the only level of contact they were allowed to have.

'Miss you,' he replied, his hand sliding over hers until their fingers connected.

Katie swallowed a hard lump in her throat. It hurt as it went down, tears stinging her whole throat. She didn't want to cry, not in front of him, not when he couldn't comfort her. She longed to feel his touch, properly; his arms wrapped tightly around her shoulders. But then she remembered where she was, she couldn't forget what he'd done. The news articles about the family, about the woman's husband and children. She hated him for it, loathed his actions. Her fingers loosened, she pulled her hand away to stop the rage that was building with the tears.

'What'll happen?' she asked, warily.

'When?'

'If, when, if you have to stay permanently.'

'Move to a different prison, don't I?! This one's just for people waiting for trials and shit.'

'But, I mean, what _happens_?'

Cook shrugged his shoulders, 'Dunno, see how it all goes.'

The look of fear and dread in Katie's eyes pushed Cook closer to the edge. He wanted to touch her, to press a hand against her cheek and kiss her soft lips. He wanted to fuck her right there in front of everyone, didn't care, just wanted to be that close to her. He didn't move, couldn't.

'Don't you worry about me babe, I'll be fine.'

She didn't believe him. His words sounding more confident than the voice that spoke them. He didn't believe them either, as much as he willed them to be true.

*

Gabriella was already in bed by the time Emily got home. She tiptoed through to the bathroom, got changed and ready for bed before slipping under the covers beside her. She wriggled around for a moment, trying to get comfortable.

'You're back?' Gabs voice came out muffled by the pillow, small and sleep ridden.

'Yeah. It's okay babe, go back to sleep,' Emily informed her, kissing her cheek softly.

'Mmm,' Gabriella sighed. 'I'm awake.'

Emily laughed. 'No, you're not, sleep.'

The slightly cold area of skin around Emily's midriff felt suddenly warmer as two hands wrapped themselves around her. She smiled into a kiss as Gabriella's lips appeared and pressed down upon her own.

'You didn't need to wake up,' Emily assured her, staring into her deep, dark eyes.

'I wanted too. I feel like I've barely seen you all weekend.'

Emily frowned. 'I've been busy Gabs, Katie needed me.'

'I know,' Gabriella replied. 'It's okay, I just miss you, is all.'

Emily laid back against her pillow, felt her eyes narrowing as she realised just how much she hadn't thought about Gabs. When they'd first met; the two weeks they went out, before Gabriella went to India for a year, were amazing. She missed her like crazy for a few months, but it got easier. Since then, she didn't miss her very much when they were apart and she'd never really wondered why.

'Well, I miss you too,' she replied, letting her girlfriend nuzzle her face against the crook of her arm. She said it, whenever Gabs said it to her, like a gut reaction.

'Can we have sex now, please?' Gabriella asked, kissing the bare skin that peered out from beneath her nightshirt.

A smirk spread across Emily's lips, her hands running up the sides of Gabriella's own t-shirt as the dark haired girl straddled her. A few brief kisses were the start, followed by their hands underneath each other's clothes, feeling for the naked mounds of their breasts. They rolled around for a little while, kissing, fondling and getting in the mood.

'I saw Naomi today,' Gabs muttered, when they took a break from kissing. Emily's fingers still tracing patterns across Gabriella's skin as they stared into each other's eyes.

'You did?' Emily asked.

'Well, I asked to see her.'

Emily raised an eyebrow. 'Why are we discussing this during foreplay?'

Gabriella licked her lips. 'I thought you'd like to know, didn't want to keep it from you and I just remembered.'

'Why did you ask to see her?' Emily questioned, not wanting to discuss it, but wishing to get it over with.

'To tell her to make things right with you.'

Frustration was the last thing Emily wanted to feel. She closed her eyes, pulled away from Gabriella until she felt hands reach out to her, to attempt to stop her.

'You're angry.'

'No,' Emily sighed.

'Yes you are.'

'No Gabs, for fucks sake, why do I have to be angry just because I pull away?' she muttered. 'I'm just frustrated.'

'Frustration, anger, they're the same thing Emily.'

_She was angry, _she decided. Sitting up in the bed, not caring that she was sat there naked with her bits hanging out. She stared down at her girlfriend, her eyes narrowing with concern.

'Naomi and I are fine, so we're in the middle of a bit of a disagreement. You don't need to fix it for me Gabs, we're not children, we don't need mummy to make things right.'

'I'm not your mother Emily, I don't try to be, I just worry.'

'Yeah, well I'm fine. Everything is fucking fine.'

'Is it?' Gabriella asked. 'What's going on with Katie right now is really effecting you, you might not be able to see it, but I can.'

'I can handle it,' Emily assured her. 'I can handle Naomi. I don't need you telling her to fix things. I can do it myself.'

'You're not doing a very good job of it.'

'Fuck off Gabriella, just, just fuck off,' Emily snapped, climbing out of the bed, reaching for her dressing gown and wrapping it around her naked body.

'Where are you going?'

'To sleep in the fucking spare room.'

'Don't do that,' Gabs begged. 'I didn't mean to upset you.'

'Fucking stop analysing my feelings Gabriella, you're not the counsellor, you don't see me doing it to you.'

'No,' Gabriella smirked. 'You're much more subtle than that.'

'At least I listen to you and do what you fucking want, not what I think is best. You're well out of line.'

'You're my girlfriend Emily, I'm not going to sit by and let you piss about with your friendships just because you think I shouldn't get involved. Naomi's a crap friend and you know it, I just don't want her upsetting you further than you already are.'

Emily sighed, rolled her eyes. 'The only person fucking upsetting me here is you.'

They didn't say anything more. Emily was too angry to listen, too angry to even speak. Instead she slammed the bedroom door shut behind her and opened the one across the hall. She climbed into the spare bed, buried herself under the covers until the sobs came out. After a while, the door creaked open and Emily could feel a pair of hands sliding around her waist. She stared up at Gabriella through tear stained eyes, allowed her to hold her completely as she rested herself against her girlfriends chest, sobbing instead in her arms.

*

Fifteen sleepless nights, Katie counted. She lay awake, staring at the clock. It was barely one in the morning, she'd been there for three hours already. She tried, continuously tried to actually sleep. The closest she'd got in the two weeks since Cook was arrested, was the night at Emily's. She didn't want to admit it, but falling asleep in someone's arms was the only thing that seemed to work.

'Daddy,' a small voice shouted out, repeating the same word over and again, her voice getting louder until she was literally screaming.

Katie jumped out of bed, opening doors quickly until she was stood in her daughter's bedroom, wrapping her arms around the little girl sobbing against her chest.

'Where's daddy?' she sobbed, waking from her terror to find only her mother there.

'Daddy's in that big house at the moment, remember?' Katie assured her, rubbing her back as she started to settle. 'It's okay Allie, you're okay.'

'I miss daddy,' she cried, clinging tightly to Katie's sides. 'I want daddy.'

'I know you do,' Katie sighed, feeling tears strolling down her cheeks as she held the little girl close. 'I do too.'

It didn't take long for her youngest daughter to get back to sleep. Katie stayed, curled up in the bed. She stroked Allie's hair back from her head, watched her beautiful little girl's face as she dozed beside her. She took a deep breath, tried to push away the overwhelming weight sitting on her heart as she closed her eyes, wrapped her arms a little tighter around Allie until she felt herself drifting off.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer:** I don't own Skins. I do own a copy of the DVD and book.**

Summary: **Ten years later; Naomi and Emily and friends, best friends. They've moved on from their relationship in college, have new loves and new lives that mix regularly. But when things change for the people around them, they find themselves pushed together in more ways than one.**

Author Notes: **This next chapter wasn't going to end this way, but as I got close, it was the only options that seemed plausible.**

**WARNING: NOT VERY NICE SCENE AHEAD, MAYBE AVOID IF VERY SQUEEMISH.**

---

**Felt It All Before**

Chapter Five

The building was really intimidating. It wasn't the size that was the problem; there were gates, bars and barbed wire everywhere. They really went to town with making a prison look and feel just that. Driving through the first gate always made Katie hate Cook for what he'd done. For forcing her life to end up in this place that always made her feel sick to the stomach. It didn't get easier. She hadn't been to see him in almost a week, was too scared to face what she knew would be inevitable from the moment she held her sobbing daughter that first night. The repeated nightmares, the constant need for Katie to sleep in her youngest child's bed. If she was honest, she did it for herself as much as Allie. Sleeping hadn't become any easier, had actually become harder as the days passed by. With only a week 'til Cook was sentenced, she found it difficult to sleep, even with her child clinging to her for support.

'Katie Fitch for a conjugal visit with James Cook,' she informed the prison guard. She glanced at a sheet, ticked a couple of boxes and sent Katie through the usual security rigmarole. It was tiresome, but if she wanted to see Cook, she had to do it.

She hadn't taken his name. She could never decide if she wanted to lose her Fitch. It was part of her in more ways than one. She felt connected to her family more than she ever felt connected to Cook's. She had never even met his parents. They didn't come to their wedding. They probably didn't even know they had grandchildren. Cook never told her he had contacted them and whenever she'd tried to ask, he just shut down. As she stood in the entrance to the private room, catching his hollowed out eyes, she knew why she'd been reluctant. If she was a Cook, if her children were Cooks, then they'd end up like James. They'd decided together that their daughters would be Fitch's, like they both saw the future. She didn't realise then, just how much she would be glad of that decision.

'Alright babe,' Cook grinned, his eye shining yellow and purple, puffed up and bruised.

The private room was a blessing. She'd never asked for one before, had never wanted to spend some time alone because she was scared of what would happen. She loved him, more than she could stand sometimes.

The sad, little boy look on his face made her heart bleed. She could barely breath as she took the steps forward to embrace her husband. It was allowed. It was finally allowed. A rule passed just a few years ago, gave her the right to be with Cook in all the ways she hadn't been able to before. Her lips crashed against his, the sexual tension, pent up energy they'd both always lavished in seemed to consume them. Pushing them together faster and harder than ever before. They'd never had to go so long without sex, without both wanting sex. When his hands laced their way into her underwear, she squirmed, moving to his touch. Pushing him back against the door to take control of the situation. She needed him, she wanted him. He pulled away, unzipped his trousers and tossed them to one side as they lay down on the cold, hard floor. There was a bed, but she didn't expect it to be very comfortable. It was a prison after all. They were writhing around naked on a prison floor. It wouldn't get any less seedy, any stranger, she didn't imagine. She screamed out, let him push into her with ever inch of energy he had. He was always rough when he was desperate, but for the first time, Katie embraced it. She dug her nails into his hair, wrapping the slightly longer than usual locks around her fingers as she screamed out in pleasure. He always knew how to hit the spot, how to make her scream out his name until her voice was barely a whisper. She loved Cook, she loved who he could be when he wasn't being in idiot and she loved the way her could make her feel when they were alone, just the two of them, putting all of their emotions not into words, but into actions. As he pulled out, rolled away enough for her to cuddle up next to him, she couldn't help wonder if it would be the last time she would ever feel _that _happy.

*

'Naomi? It's Emily.'

'Oh, hi.'

She was shocked to hear Emily's voice, which surprised her. Naomi was always very laid back with their friendship. It helped that when there was a problem, or they had a fight; Emily would usually be the one to make an effort to fix things. Naomi figured that eventually she would probably cave, despite Gabriella's plea for her to do the chasing. But she couldn't understand why Emily would need her to do that anyway. They'd never had any reason for anyone to get involved in the past. The second she heard Emily's voice, she found herself grinning. Anticipating what she knew was coming next. If she was honest, she missed her.

'Look, I'm working with a girl who's really into politics and the environment. So I was just wondering when your next youth action team is meeting. She really wants to get involved, I said I'd find out.'

'Oh right, that's all you...okay.'

She was disappointed. She wouldn't admit that to Emily, but she hadn't expected it in the slightest. She chewed on her lip, gave her the brief details before allowing the phone call to end. She cursed herself for not making an effort, for not being the one to take steps to repair the shattered relationship. Yet she still couldn't find the courage to pick up the phone and call Emily herself.

*

Knowing someone new was joining them, knowing what little detail Emily had given about the girl's lack of confidence, Naomi was on edge the whole afternoon. After the first two participants turned up, she decided there was nothing to worry about. She'd been working with the group for over a year, had seen them every week since starting and found herself getting to know each young person. Yet she still felt nervous at the prospect of meeting someone new. She had finally admitted, barely a year ago, that she wasn't good with people. That despite her hopes of creating an activist group for young people in Bristol, it still scared the shit out of her to actually do it.

'Emily,' Naomi frowned, opening the front door. She'd resigned to the fact the teenager was due on the doorstep, but had not anticipated that Emily could be with her.

'What are you doing here?'

'I brought Kate,' she informed her, her eyes narrowed with caution.

The blonde hadn't taken up Gabriella's suggestion and that didn't escape Emily's notice. As annoyed as she had become at her girlfriend's interest in fixing the relationship, she found herself more annoyed that Naomi hadn't listened.

'Oh right, well come on in,' Naomi smiled, her eyes connecting with the pair of green ones behind Emily.

The dark blonde haired girl looked worried, her eyes darting about from Naomi's to the room behind her. She felt sympathetic towards her, wondered how she'd felt so nervous when the girl seemed even more so.

'This is the Den,' Naomi informed them as they walked into the main room. 'Girls, this is Kate, she's joining us tonight.'

Two girls sat across the room smiled up at them, muttered brief hellos and introduced themselves whilst Emily and Kate took a seat. Within ten minutes the circle of chairs had been filled and Emily watched in awe as Naomi ran the group with a level of professionalism she'd never really seen before.

'Since Kate is new, how about you introduce yourself,' Naomi suggested, a warming smile on her face. 'Tell us what you're interested in and why you wanted to join the group.'

Kate stood up, her fingers clutching onto the sides of her trousers with nerves. Emily watched unsurely as the girl she knew well, tried her best to speak. It wasn't Naomi's fault and Emily knew that. Though she still felt herself glaring at Naomi in frustration. The group grew silent, followed by a couple of people whispering to each other. Emily watched the colour drain from Kate's face. She could see it coming, yet found herself unable to stop it as Kate's breathing grew erratic.

'Naomi,' Emily muttered, standing up and wrapping an arm around the girl's shoulders. She guided her from the room, took her to Naomi's office. She could hear Naomi's voice as they went, telling the group about an activity they could do before she appeared in the doorway.

'I'm really sorry,' Naomi gasped, watching in horror as Emily assisted Kate in calming down. Her own heart beat racing along as she found herself severely out of her depth.

'It's okay,' Emily assured her, folding a piece of flip chart paper up to form a bag shape which allowed Kate to breath into deeply.

'I didn't, I didn't,' Naomi stuttered. 'What should I do?'

'Can you get me a phone?' Emily asked, turning back to Kate. 'Honey, just take deep breaths, just like you usually do. It's going to be okay. I'll call your mum, ask her to pick you up.'

Naomi reached for the phone, held it out to Emily and sent her a small smile as Emily's other hand rubbed the girl's back. Naomi felt tears lingering on the surface, didn't want to cry, so pushed them away. She couldn't help wonder if she really was too far out of her depth.

*

They dressed quickly, moved to the table, sat opposite each other like they usually did. The natural progression from husband and wife, to two people unable to share anything but a holding of the hand. An overwhelming urge to cry hit Katie, yet she managed to maintain her composure. She had things to say, things to do that couldn't wait.

'How are the girls?' Cook asked, holding Katie's hand between them, staring down at their fingers clutched together.

'Not very good,' Katie mumbled. 'They're not handling this well.'

'Oh.'

Silence followed, filled the space between them with an eerie tension. Katie's hands shook, could feel them being controlled by Cook's slightly more stable touch. She didn't want to do it, didn't want to say it. She just had no other choice.

'I can't do this Cook.'

'Can't do what babes?' he asked, reaching out a finger to brush her hair from her face.

She flinched under his touch. Didn't mind him being that close, yet felt guilty for what was to come.

'I can't come to see you again, I won't bring the girls here, not after last time.'

'But they're my kids,' Cook muttered. 'I have a right to see them.'

Katie sighed. 'Meg's been acting out in school, Allie can't sleep alone. I have to do what's best for them Cook.'

'But, but,' Cook stuttered, his voice growing silent as he repeated the same word over and again.

'They're the most important thing James,' Katie whispered, pulling her hands away from his. 'I have to protect them first.'

They didn't talk. Katie stood up, pressed her lips against Cook's cheeks and tried to stop the tears from flowing down her own. She walked to the door, took one final glance at her husband with the greatest sense of foreboding. She swallowed the lump in her throat, took in the sight of him staring down at his hands before leaving him alone.

*

By the time Kate had gone home and Naomi had set the group up on a task, Emily had returned to the Den. She didn't feel much like leaving yet, was a little concerned by Naomi's reaction to the situation. She hovered in the doorway, watching Naomi move between a couple of smaller groups before joining her by the door.

'Thanks,' Naomi mumbled, chewing on her lip.

'What for?' Emily frowned, raising an eyebrow in curiosity.

'You did amazing,' Naomi noted, her lack of confidence shining through. 'Never really got the hang of first aid.'

Emily shrugged, it came naturally, she didn't see it as anything special. Just doing her job. 'It helps knowing Kate quite well. I know she's prone to them. She had an attack the first time she came to see me.'

Naomi chewed on her lip again. 'She really seemed to respond to you. Never been able to get the kids here to respond to me.'

Naomi was never one for sounding like she lacked confidence, which made Emily frown. She didn't see what Naomi was talking about, couldn't understand how she could be so lacking in the one thing that Emily had always thought she had in bucket loads.

'What?' Emily scoffed. 'Naomi, they all love you. They worship the ground you walk on.'

Naomi sighed, tutting in disbelief. 'No they don't.'

Emily rolled her eyes. 'When you went to open the door for Scott, they were all talking about how much fun they have. That chubby kid, Elli, she was singing your praises like you were the bloody messiah. Said you're still a legend at Roundview for pulling student president votes out of the head's bra.'

A smirk spread across Naomi's lips as she remembered the event some year ago. She expected it would have been forgotten about. The year after, everyone still talked about it, but once she left, she didn't expect it to still be a topic of conversation. Especially ten years later. It shocked her.

'That's crazy, why would anyone care anymore?'

'Because you're the same amazing person you were back then, except now you motivate other people to do the acting while you sit back with a cup of tea,' Emily noted, finding a smile big enough for the Naomi she was usually friends with.

'I'll have you know that I'm always sat up front with them all, protesting like I did as a teenager.'

It didn't surprise Emily, actually made her laugh. She tilted her head to the side, glanced across at the groups working hard before sending a cheeky smile in Naomi's direction.

'You're turning into your mother, you know?!'

Naomi shook her head in disapproval before closing her eyes with mock irritation. 'Ems?'

'Yes?'

'I'm sorry, yeah? I know I'm a bit shit sometimes. All the time.'

A deep breath made Emily feel better, the carefree conversation a return to the usual way they were with each other. Emily reached out a hand and took Naomi's.

'You might be a bit shit sometimes, but you know I love you for it.'

Naomi smiled, nodded her head. 'I don't deserve your friendship, never deserved anything from you really.'

'Now you're just fishing for compliments,' Emily grinned.

'Fuck off.'

'You fuck off,' Emily shouted back, a little louder than she'd expected, prompting the group to turn and watch the two of them in their fake argument.

Naomi noticed the aghast look on Emily's face, shook her head as she stepped into the centre of the room.

'Alright guys, she said fuck off, it's not like none of you have ever said it. So Kate's gone home, but maybe one of you guys could meet with her on your own next week, help her feel more comfortable before she comes back. If I was her, I'd be a bit scared meeting you all for the first time too.'

Emily leant back against the wall, watched as the group sent joking insults back and forth, Naomi joining in until they finally moved on to another task. It wasn't much, just a few words and though there were still things Naomi didn't know, Emily actually felt a little better, knowing that Naomi was back on board.

*

The longer he lay in the cell alone, the worse his frustration became. His cell mate had left a couple of days before, found guilty and sent to prison for fifteen years. Cook knew he would probably get something similar, was expected to be in jail for almost as long. The physical pain of knowing that, of knowing that he wasn't going to see his girls again, ripped him apart. He didn't blame Katie, couldn't blame her for wanting to protect their girls. He knew it was for the best. He didn't want them to end up like him, had never wanted that. Had always found ways to try and protect them from the Cook family curse.

'_You fucking pipsqueak, you need to grow some balls lad, get yourself a fucking proper voice, not that stupid arse high pitched thing.'_

Cook, the original Cook. His dad. The memory filled his mind, made his eyes sting with tears. He didn't want it to end up this way, didn't want his daughters to go through what he had.

'_But daddy, 's'not my fault,' he'd called out._

'_Course it's your fault you stupid fucking prick, get in there.'_

_He'd not moved fast enough, couldn't move fast enough because his legs were actually quite short. He was only six, only little. He tried to rush into his room, but he just couldn't move quickly. He felt the hand come down across his ear, smacked him hard across the face until he stumbled backwards and smacked his head on the door. He didn't cry, he just jumped to his feet, even though it hurt like hell._

'_Sorry daddy,' he called out._

'_Stop calling me daddy, what am I? A fucking pussy? Sort yourself out kid, six hours in your room and keep the fucking noise down.'_

_He rushed off, as quickly as he could, into his bedroom. Shut the door carefully, sat down behind it as he reached for the back of his head. Tears stung his eyes, slid down his cheeks before he could stop them. He couldn't handle it._

He'd never been able to handle it. Ever. Tears fell down his cheeks again. He wasn't that kind of parent, promised to never hurt his daughters like his fuck up of a dad did him. He was good to them, very good, compared to the man that tried to raise him. But he couldn't protect them anymore, couldn't stop them from suffering.

He didn't want to be like him. He'd hurt him, treated him like an idiot. He had learnt, only by being independent, that it wasn't his fault. He wasn't bad, nobody understood him. Nobody seemed to care. Until he'd met Katie, until they'd had two beautiful daughters who loved him unconditionally.

He missed them. He was always going to miss them. Never going to see them again. He couldn't stop thinking about it. Couldn't stop remembering Katie's words over and again, repeating the fact that he wasn't going to see his family until he left prison, which was too far away.

Rage seemed to overtake him, he jumped down from the bunk, pulled at the frame and watched as it came crashing down. He knew it wouldn't be long before someone entered the cell, someone stopped him from doing what he'd already taken steps towards. He couldn't stop, didn't want to stop. He was angry, so fucking angry and the only way he could feel better was to trash the whole fucking room. He uprooted the mattresses, sent what little items across the room, smashed a bar of soap into the already broken mirror.

Then he saw it, a glint of something shining from the floor. He stalked over, climbed across a wafer thin mattress, picked it up until he saw the blade that he assumed belonged to his recently departed cell mate.

He missed his children. He missed Katie. He wouldn't ever see any of them again. Doubted they'd even want to see him when he got out. Seven to fourteen years, his babies would be grown, his babies would be old enough to hate him the way he hated his own father. The fucking idiot who didn't know what he had. The drop kick of a dad who abandoned him on his grandfather's doorstep at aged eight. He had nothing left, wouldn't ever have anything again. He knew that now. He knew that without his girls, he was nothing and being there, he wouldn't have a chance to have them again. So he picked up the blade, pushed it quickly into his stomach before he could change his mind. Felt the blood seeping from the wound. He weakened quickly, fell to his knees, slouched against the wall. The cell door opened, a guard shouting and screaming for help as he stepped closer.

'You fucking idiot,' the guard screamed at him, searched the room for something to stem the wound. Gave up, pushed his hands against it in an attempt to save Cook.

'Stop,' Cook called out, weakening with every moment. 'Just fucking stop.'

Eventually the man pulled his hands away, didn't do anything because there wasn't much to do. It was too late. Cook knew it the moment he pushed the blade into his skin, the guard knew it the moment Cook begged him to stop. It was only a matter of time, a matter of moments as Cook felt his eyes close, his body slowed and a final thought of his daughters passed through his mind as he found peace.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer:** I don't own Skins. I do own a copy of the DVD and book.**

Summary: **Ten years later; Naomi and Emily and friends, best friends. They've moved on from their relationship in college, have new loves and new lives that mix regularly. But when things change for the people around them, they find themselves pushed together in more ways than one.**

Author Notes: **This story is getting a little harder to write, emotionally. And after Emily's episode on Thursday, well, apologies for bringing more depression! But I've had a bad week and writing angst actually really helps me to feel better. Go figure?! Hope you enjoy and please review.**

---

**Felt It All Before**

Chapter Six

'When are you going to propose to your girlfriend, Emily?' Naomi asked, a cheeky grin on her face, her lips twitching up to the side.

They sat opposite each other at a table. Under Emily's suggestion, they had gone to a bar after the meeting, to spend a bit of time together. Naomi enjoyed the company, was actually thrilled to spend some time alone with her, away from work.

'Who says I'm the one who would propose?' Emily questioned, defensively, a little shorter than she would have liked.

'Come on Emily, don't be all coy about it. I know you better than that, what's up?'

Emily shifted in her seat in discomfort. She wasn't sure why it made her feel so awkward, it just did. She cleared her throat, ran her tongue along the inside of her teeth. Her eyes narrowed, her thoughts taking a detour through an overgrown tunnel. She didn't know why, couldn't explain the extreme feelings that seemed to control her.

'Maybe I don't want to get married.'

'But you and Gabriella are for keeps, you love her, yeah?'

'I do,' she whispered, her words wavering slightly. 'I do love her.'

'Is it not simple?'

Emily raised an eyebrow, staring Naomi down with a sarcastic look. 'Says the girl who once asked 'can't things ever be complicated.''

'It's Gabs, Emily. You've been together for four years. You love her, you live with her, you share your whole life together.'

'And that makes it a fairy tale does it?' Emily groaned, watching the water in her glass stay unmoved, until she picked it up and swished it around.

Naomi frowned, confused by Emily's blasé responses. She knew her well, usually. Yet something was different, something had changed and she couldn't understand what.

'Emily.'

'Yeah?'

Naomi's fingers travelled across the table until they rested over Emily's hand. She looked her in the eye, even though Emily just stared at their hands.

'What's wrong?'

She knew she wasn't very good at asking that when she should, or even when she didn't need to. It was a question she was often too scared to ask because she didn't know how well she'd be able to handle an honest response. She wasn't a natural listener, a natural carer and whilst she had accepted that, she just couldn't always bring herself to dig for answers.

'I'm fine,' Emily grinned, forcing her eyes to crinkle at the edges, making it appear real. She pulled her hand away, gulped down her glass of water before reaching for her purse.

'A dozen shots?' she asked, pulling out some crumpled notes.

'None for me,' Naomi replied. 'I thought this was just quiet drinks before going home, not a night out.'

'It can be whatever we want it to be,' Emily noted, heading off to the bar.

A handful of shots later and Naomi pulled the tray of glasses towards her. Emily liked a drink, a few glasses of wine with dinner, an occasional night out getting more than merry. It had been a long time since Emily had drunk four shots in a row.

'Now I know something is wrong.'

The red head looked angry, reached out for the tray. But Naomi just pulled it back further.

'What the fuck Naomi,' Emily cried out, giving her an evil glare. She wanted a drink, just a few. It wasn't wrong, she was legal, she was an adult who could make her own decisions.

'Emily, you don't drink like this anymore. You're no Cook, you can't drink shot after shot without feeling horrible in the morning. You once told me you hated shots because you preferred the feeling of getting drunk slowly.'

'Things change,' Emily whispered, her voice wavering in reaction to the mention of Cook. Her mouth grew dry. She couldn't say the thing she wanted to say, didn't even let herself think it. Cook was in jail, he was locked up in a prison cell and Naomi still didn't know. It wasn't about not wanting to tell her. Naomi wasn't always happy and the recent down time she'd been facing made Emily worry. On top of that, she knew how much Naomi cared about Cook. They didn't see each other that often anymore, but their friendship had always been strong.

'Give me back my drinks Naomi,' Emily snarled, finding her inner bitch that she knew she had deep down, for when she wanted it.

'You're starting to sound like Cook the last time we went out a few weeks ago.'

'You went out with Cook a few weeks ago?' Emily asked, her thoughts travelling back over the details of the accident.

'Yeah. And?'

'When?'

'I don't know, it was a Thursday, I had the Friday off, before that long weekend where we took Joel to Ireland with mum and Kieran.'

'You went out with Cook that night?'

'For fuck sake Emily, yes. What is wrong with you?'

'You took drugs.'

Naomi's eyes narrowed. 'No, I didn't.'

'You're lying.'

'Why would I be lying? I haven't taken any drugs since I got married. You know that Emily. We made that decision, that we wanted to stop it and we did.'

'Then Cook took drugs.'

'I don't know,' Naomi frowned. 'I got a headache before midnight, Cook drove me home because he hadn't had much to drink. We only went out about ten. I think he went back out again afterwards.'

'You were with him. Were you with him when he crashed?' Emily's hand grew sweaty, her throat dry. She couldn't believe she'd never heard about Naomi and Cook's night out. She could feel her emotions grow harder to handle.

'When he what?' Naomi gasped, her hand moving to her mouth. 'What do you mean he crashed?'

'Cook, Naomi,' Emily snapped, not sure why she was so angry at Naomi when she obviously didn't know. 'He crashed his fucking car.'

'Is he okay?'

'If you...'

Emily stopped, interrupted by her phone ringing persistently on the table between them. She picked it up, frowned at Gabs name on the screen and hung up.

'Shouldn't you have answered that?'

'Not really. Only Gabs.'

'Emily, doesn't she even know we're out?' Naomi questioned, frowning at the distressed red head.

'No.'

'Fucks sake Emily. She's probably worried. Call her back.'

The phone started buzzing again, Emily reached out for the hang up button, but Naomi quickly pulled it away, answering it.

'Hi Gabs, no, it's Naomi. Yes, we're all sorted. Emily has had a bit to drink.' Naomi paused, listened to the reason for the call. 'Is she okay? Right. We'll come right over.'

'What are you doing answering my phone?' Emily snapped.

'You're starting to sound drunk. This isn't like you. Pull your fucking self together. Your sister is at your house in a right state. Gabs can't get anything out of her.'

The colour seemed to drain from Emily's face. The tears welling up in her eyes, coursing streams down her cheeks. She started to sob. All the talk of Cook and Katie made her heart ache, she hated knowing how much of a mess her sister was. She hated that she couldn't do anything about it. But most of all, she hated the doubts it created in her own mind.

'See, I told you there was something wrong,' Naomi mumbled. 'Is it Katie?'

Emily just shook her head, picked up her phone and bag and headed for the door. Naomi followed her, had to rush to keep up. She was worried, naturally. She didn't know what was going on, couldn't understand why Emily was so upset. She found her stood beside her car, fumbling with a key in the lock.

'Emily, that's your back door key.'

'Oh,' she whispered, allowing Naomi to take the keys from her hand and guide her away from the car.

'I'll drive.'

*

The lounge door lay open, the lights still off. Emily stood in the doorway, watching Katie sitting on the sofa with her face in her hands. She didn't need to ask her, to know that it was bad. That Katie was struggling with something much more painful than before. She suddenly sobered up, found her inner strength to walk across the room to her sister.

'Katie?'

She looked up at the sound of Emily's voice, knowing she was there made it easier, yet made her sob harder too. She stood up, wrapped her arms tightly around Emily until her sobs got worse. She'd never cried to violently, so painfully before. She'd never needed to.

'Come on,' Emily muttered, rubbing her back, helping her to sit back down. 'Whatever it is, it can't be that bad.'

'I, he,' she tried to say, her voice cracking under the strain.

'Katie, sweetie,' Emily sighed, cupping her sister's face, looking her deep in the eyes. 'Just tell me, yeah?'

'Got a call,' Katie choked out. 'He's gone, he's, he's dead.'

Emily narrowed her eyes, staring harder at Katie's face. At the broken image of her sister, the shadow of the woman she'd always admired for being strong. She looked so weak, so broken and there was nothing Emily could do. She noticed Naomi and Gabriella in the doorway; watching, listening. She chewed on the inside of her mouth, enjoying the distraction from the pain of her inner battle, from the pain that Katie was facing. She turned back to Katie, brushed tears from her cheeks.

'He's dead?' she questioned, struggling to understand or accept her answer.

'Cook, he killed himself, in prison, he stabbed himself,' Katie mumbled, her voice turning to stone.

The tears seemed to go, replaced by a statue of shock. All expression gone from her voice and her face. She couldn't feel it anymore, it all seemed to vanish. She preferred it that way. It was too painful, too difficult to handle that vocalising it brushed it aside. She felt numbed by the pain.

'Oh my God,' Emily muttered under her breath, her eyes closing with shock and sorrow. Tears stung her own eyes. Emily reached out, stroked Katie's hair behind her ears, kissed her cheeks and wrapped her arms tightly around her body.

Katie didn't cry again.

'I need sleep,' she whispered, her steely expression still present as she curled up on the sofa.

The reaction wasn't right. Emily didn't think it was right. Katie should have still been crying, should have been sobbing as hard as she was at the start. Emily couldn't understand why she wasn't, why she wasn't more of a mess. Until she realised, that maybe she wasn't as strong as she looked, that deep down, it was probably doing more damage.

'Okay,' Emily replied, stroking the side of her head repeatedly until Katie seemed to fall asleep. She pulled a blanket out from their coffee table drawer and covered her up, before leaving her alone.

*

Naomi and Gabriella were sat at the kitchen table, Gabs hand clutching Naomi's wrist as the blonde sipped on a mug of steaming tea. Emily fell into the seat beside Naomi, too scared to look up to Gabs, didn't want to have to face what was actually happening.

'Why didn't you tell me Emily?' Naomi mumbled, tears lacing her voice. 'I should have known.'

'I don't,' Emily stuttered. 'I, I just…didn't.'

She didn't know. She didn't know and she should have. Cook was her friend, her best friend aside from Emily. She loved him more than any other man, except her husband. He was flawed, but that made him special. He _was _special. _Was_. She regretted not calling him up the next morning, like she'd planned. Not rearranged another night out. She should have contacted him. She should have been to see him in the jail. But she couldn't, not any more.

'I deserved to know,' Naomi cried out, pawing at the tears that slid down her face.

'I know,' Emily whispered, regretfully.

It hit her. It hit hard. The pain of what had happened, the ramifications for everyone else involved. Katie was anything but handling it. Naomi was upset, broken by the fact she didn't even know. It was Emily's fault. She should have told her. If she'd told anyone, it should have been Naomi. She couldn't look her in the eye. She couldn't look anyone in the eye. The image of Cook, the last time she'd seen him lingered in her mind. He looked like he was okay, except for the fact he couldn't be with his daughters. His _daughters_. Emily's nieces. Her heart stung for them. They were too young to understand, too young to lose a parent. It was wrong, it was bad. It was so bad that Emily couldn't breath, her chest constricting. She closed her eyes, leant back against the chair and tried to focus on getting oxygen into her lungs.

Cook was dead. And nobody could handle it.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer:** I don't own Skins. I do own a copy of the DVD and book.**

Summary: **Ten years later; Naomi and Emily and friends, best friends. They've moved on from their relationship in college, have new loves and new lives that mix regularly. But when things change for the people around them, they find themselves pushed together in more ways than one.**

Author Notes: **I've finally finished my job, finally found motivation to write loads and finally written a chapter! Please enjoy and review!**

---

**Felt It All Before**

The moonlight lit up the bedroom, the glow shining in through the gap between the curtains. Emily curled her fingers around Gabriella's hair, holding tightly as she rose above her physical level of pleasure and out off into oblivion. They fell together, their bodies tired, their arms wrapped up in each other. Emily rolled onto her back, freed herself from her previous prison and kissed Gabs as the dark haired woman snuggled up beside her. She watched her eyes close, waited until she could hear the equal rhythm of her sleep induced breath. Emily's heart began racing, panic setting in over the overwhelming feelings that seemed to inhabit her mind. It was wrong, it was all pear shaped. She should have felt love; a need, a desire to be there and love Gabriella as much she loved Emily back. Yet she couldn't.

The alternative flashed through her conscious, attempting to take hold of her and force her to listen. She couldn't. Not yet. It wasn't the right time, it would never be the right time. Yet the feelings still overwhelmed her, masking themselves in a cloud of confusion. Gabs moaned beside her, shifting about in sleep, mumbling Emily's name. Breathing seemed to become harder. Emily began to panic. She pulled away, unwrapped herself from Gabriella's body. There was no other option.

In the kitchen she boiled the kettle, poured herself a mug of tea and settled down at the table. Insomnia had never been an issue. She finished her drink, filled up the dishwasher with the days plates and cups before setting it going. It was half full, Naomi would probably have a go at her if she knew. Instead she'd left hours ago, so consumed by the grief that everyone was feeling and the anger that only she had a right to. All Emily had to do was talk to her best friend, explain the situation Cook had put himself in. But she hadn't and now the righted relationship with Naomi had taken steps backwards. Rightly so. She had acted wrong and for the first time, she wasn't ashamed to admit that.

The door to the lounge stood open, unmoved from earlier when she'd held her sister. Katie still lay curled up on the sofa, moving about as though dreams kept her in a state of unrest. Emily hated seeing her that way, just wanted to protect her usually indestructible sister from the pain that would probably never leave. She sat down beside her head, lifted it up enough to slip her legs underneath it. Emily rested her head against Katie's, wrapped her arms around her upper body. It was uncomfortable, but it didn't matter. She had to be there, she wasn't sure why. She needed to hold Katie. The overwhelming feeling that Emily seemed to house broke free again, tried to push her thoughts out of her mind. She was there because she didn't want to be in bed with her girlfriend. No. She was there for her sister and nothing more.

*

Most days Naomi woke up to an empty bed. For once she was looking forward to it, opened her eyes with a faint smile on her face as she stretched outwards. Her hand collided with a nose, she turned over, closed her eyes in dismay when she spotted her husband.

'Morning,' he whispered, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer to him.

'Thought you wouldn't be here,' she sighed, letting her head rest against his bare chest.

Al rolled his eyes, sarcastically, 'Nice to know my presence is wanted.'

'Sorry,' Naomi muttered, kissing the skin beside her head. 'I just didn't expect you.'

'Did you sort things out with Emily?'

Naomi nodded, 'Yes, I did.'

'And did you tell her?'

Naomi pulled back, sat up against her pillow as she considered what Al was talking about. Her hesitant expression prompting Al to continue with his line of questioning.

'Did you tell Emily that you're pregnant?'

'Oh. No, I didn't.'

In the days after discovering she'd become pregnant, Naomi had been in two minds. She wanted to be happy, really desperately wanted to feel the glee that Al seemed to have plastered over his face every time she saw him. But she didn't. Instead she felt indifference, further helped by the news of Cook.

'What's wrong?'

'It's Cook,' Naomi admitted, wiping a few stray tears. 'I couldn't tell you because you were asleep when I got in. He, he died.'

There wasn't a lot that could be said without the comforting arms that pulled Naomi back into a tight embrace. She pushed her face against the crook of Al's neck, breathing in the distinct smell of his skin. He stroked her hair and patted her back whilst she cried properly for the first time, letting out the emotions she couldn't keep in.

-

The funeral was held on the Monday after. Emily stood in the courtyard of the crematorium, her fingers intertwined with Gabriella's for the sake of comfort. Katie stood by the door, propped up by the supporting hands of their father. Emily watched her nieces stood beside their mother, their own hands together as their childhood eyes stared at the crowd with a more adult glow.

'They shouldn't have to be doing this,' Emily muttered, looking then to Katie's face, so broken in grief.

'He committed a crime, he caused two people's death.'

'What?' Emily asked, turning to her girlfriend. 'What did you say?'

'Nothing, it doesn't matter.'

It did matter. She might not have heard the words correctly, but she heard enough. It bothered her to think that Gabriella, of all people, could think that way. Emily let go of her hand and on spotting Naomi and Al in the small crowd, walked across the courtyard.

'Naomi,' Emily whispered.

'I don't know if I want to see you right now,' Naomi sighed. 'I'm here for Cook.'

Emily watched Naomi's fingers tighten around Al's. Feelings overwhelmed her again until she had to walk away. She found Gabriella, clung to her hand until they had found a seat on the second row of the church.

'Is that Cook's mum?' Gabriella asked, Emily nodded.

'And his brother.'

The service commenced. Emily's eyes watching Katie throughout; Meg and Allie sat on either side, with Jenna and Rob on one end each. At one point, when Katie bent forwards, Emily reached a hand out to her, needed to comfort her in some way. Watching Katie cry brought the tears streaming down her cheeks until she was in just as much of a mess.

'This is ridiculous Emily,' Gabriella muttered from her side once the service was over and everyone had begun leaving the room.

'What's ridiculous?' Emily sniffed, struggling to find her composure.

'He killed people Emily, he killed that woman and we're here celebrating all the good things about him. How can you be so upset that he's gone? He deserved it.'

Gabriella's words came out of the blue, her disdain at what Cook had done. Emily knew she'd never really liked him, but to trample over his ashes when they were still hot was out of line. They'd talked about it before on several occasions and had usually decided that whilst Cook was guilty, it wasn't fair on his family. It suddenly dawned on Emily that Gabs had often gone silent in their discussions.

'You think Cook deserved to die?' Emily checked, her eyes narrowing. She tried to keep her voice down, but Naomi's eyes followed them as they walked towards the exit of the church. 'You think Katie deserves this?'

'Not Katie, Cook. Cook deserved this. Katie doesn't deserve any of it.'

'For fucks sake Gabs, if Cook deserves it, Katie deserves it too. She's my fucking sister, my fucking nieces. Don't you care about anyone?'

The tears overwhelmed her again. Emily rushed away from her girlfriend, out of the room before anyone could stop her.

'What the fuck was that about?' Naomi snapped, stopping in front of Gabriella. 'Are you cracked in the head? Cook was a good man, he made a mistake. He's not a murderer, he just made a mistake. He's fucking dead, this is supposed to be a chance to say goodbye and celebrate his life, give the people who loved him that much.'

Shaking her head vehemently, Naomi sprinted from the building in search of Emily. She rushed through the crowd waiting to pass their condolences along to Katie and Cook's mother, out into a small garden where she found Emily perched on a bench.

'Ems?'

Emily glanced up, her face breaking up at the sight of Naomi in front of her. Naomi sat down, wrapped her arms around her best friend in the hope of comforting her.

'I can't talk to her anymore.'

'Gabriella? She was out of line saying what she said, but she's still your girlfriend.'

'Maybe I don't want that anymore,' Emily admitted, closing her eyes in regret as soon as the words left her mouth.

'What?' Naomi queried. 'But you love her, you tell her everything.'

'Not everything,' Emily choked back the tears, wiping her face until they'd stopped flowing.

'I don't understand Emily.'

A hand reached up to Emily's shoulder where it rested in comfort. Emily allowed her head to fall against Naomi's arm. Thoughts raced through her mind, things she didn't want to think, couldn't think, knew she shouldn't think. But they were all there, dancing about together.

Emily closed her eyes and let the words fall from her lips. 'Gabs is the person I wanted to tell everything to, but I can't tell her everything. Not anymore. I don't want to. I want to tell,' she trailed off.

'You want to tell who?' Naomi chipped in, pulling Emily from her mind. She lifted her head, couldn't be that close. She slid away from Naomi's touch until there was a gap between them on the bench.

'I can't tell them either.'

'Why not?' Naomi questioned, reaching out to take Emily's hand.

'I just,' Emily pulled her hand back abruptly. 'Can't.'

'Emily,' Naomi tried, her eyes narrowing in confusion. 'Whatever's wrong, you can talk to me. I know it's not been right between us lately, but I still love you and I still want to be here for you.'

Emily looked at Naomi with fear. 'I love Gabriella.'

'Of course you do.'

'No. I love her, but, I don't know if it's the same way anymore. She's like my best friend, but maybe that's all she ever can be.'

'Oh,' Naomi frowned. 'I didn't, I thought, are you going to break up with her?'

'I can't. I just, she doesn't know, I can't tell her. I can't break her heart.'

'But if you don't love her,' Naomi noted. She'd noticed changes, subtle differences in the way Emily had behaved around her girlfriend in recent months. She just didn't realise how much. Emily's words should have been a surprise to her, but for some reason they weren't.

'I do love her.'

'Okay, if you're not IN love with her.'

'I'm not. Not anymore.'

'Emily, why are you being so cryptic about this?' Naomi asked, reaching out to Emily's shoulder, her hand barely touching it before Emily pushed her away.

'Don't. Just, leave it alone Naomi. Don't, just don't.'

'Emily, please, I can help.'

'No, you can't, you're the one person who can't help.'

Tears came out again, Emily's shoulders shook in a mixture of grief, confusion and a feeling so strong that Emily couldn't handle it.

'What do you even mean by that?'

'I can't talk to you anymore Naomi, I don't think I can see you anymore.'

'What? Why not?' Naomi gasped, confused by how out of the blue Emily's words were coming. 'Emily, we're friends. You're my best friend.'

'Maybe I don't want to be your best friend anymore.'

'I don't understand.'

'I have to go,' Emily muttered, standing up. 'Katie needs me.'

'Emily, no, wait,' Naomi stood up too. 'Explain. Please, talk to me.'

'I can't. I can't talk to you.'

Naomi rolled her eyes, reached out to Emily's wrist and pulled her back towards her. 'Wait. Whatever it is, we can work it out. You can get through it.'

'No, no, I can't. I can't, not as long as I'm here, being friends with you.'

'For fucks sake Emily,' Naomi cried out, tears sliding down her own cheeks. 'Cook has just fucking died and you're being weird. Stop confusing me. Just fucking tell me what is going on.'

Emily shook her head, untangled Naomi's fingers from around her wrist. 'Can't, I, I can't.'

'Emily.'

'Fucking hell Naomi, don't do this,' Emily sobbed, wiping her eyes.

Losing Cook only made Naomi realise how much she needed Emily, how much she needed her best friend in her life. Her hand rested on her stomach before she reached up to Emily's face, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

'Please don't do this,' Emily begged, unsuccessful in her attempts to push Naomi away.

The two women stood opposite each other, their faces stained with tears. 'You're my best friend Emily, I love you, don't tell me we can't be friends anymore and not explain. Look at you, you're crying Emily. I know that's probably partly because of Cook and Katie, but talk to me Ems, just talk to me.'

'I can't.'

'Why not?'

Everything inside Emily's chest was starting to hurt; the tears made her throat ache, the difficult breaths forcing her chest to throb with movement. She turned away, couldn't face staring at Naomi's face anymore. She could barely speak, yet had to let something out in order to regain control.

'Because I still love you.'

'Oh.'

Naomi's hand, held up towards Emily's back, was quickly retracted. Emily still loved her. No matter how much she tried to ignore the words that had just fallen from Emily's lips, she couldn't. It was out, it was true and no amount of wishing it wasn't would save her. She opened her mouth to speak further.

Emily beat her to it. 'I have to go to Katie, she needs me.'

Naomi's knees gave way forcing her to sit back down on the bench as she watched Emily, her best friend, walk away from an admission that left Naomi doubting her own future.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer:** I don't own Skins. I do own a copy of the DVD and book.**

Summary: **Ten years later; Naomi and Emily and friends, best friends. They've moved on from their relationship in college, have new loves and new lives that mix regularly. But when things change for the people around them, they find themselves pushed together in more ways than one.**

Author Notes: **Thank you for all of the reviews and feedback, I really like to hear what parts of the story you guys like or dislike, can help me to improve if something is really unpopular. So thanks. Please continue to review, makes me happy.**

---

**Felt It All Before**

At the wake it was impossible to get Emily alone. She didn't even attempt it, wasn't sure she wanted to speak to her again. Naomi sat at a table, held Al's hand tightly and watched her from a distance. Emily knew she was watching her, she would glance over once in a while, catch her eye and look away again.

Their relationship, _friendship_, had been a mess. Naomi tried to pinpoint the moment when things changed. Impossible. She longed to go back to the days where Emily would call her at lunchtime and they'd chat until one of them was forced away by an afternoon appointment or some crisis. It used to be easy.

'I'll be right back,' Naomi muttered, her eyes trained on Emily as she walked into the bathroom. She leant against the counter, stared at her reflection. She couldn't breath, had been struggling _all _day. It _hurt_. Everything was just _too _much. She opened a cubicle door, sat down on the seat and stared down at the blood in her underwear. She expected it, had first seen it before they set off for the funeral and got a pad out to catch whatever amount there was. She wasn't sure then if it was the usual light spotting or something more. The amount now brought tears to her eyes.

'Naomi?'

_Emily_. Her voice filled the bathroom with worry. She changed the pad, wiped her eyes with toilet roll and unlocked the door.

'What's happened?'

'Fuck,' Naomi cried out, Emily's quick detective work sending a flood of tears down her cheeks. She stared her square in the eye, challenged her to comfort her as she usually did knowing full well that Emily wouldn't.

'Naomi,' Emily tried. 'You're still my friend, you can still talk to me.'

She scoffed. 'But not about that?'

Emily looked down at the floor, wringing her hands together appearing nervous. She had to tell someone, the thought of keeping it in made it harder to conceive.

'I was pregnant.'

Emily's eyes shot up, a smile quickly fading. Naomi took a deep breath, wiped at her eyes and chewed on her lip. No matter what had happened, Emily was still the easiest person to talk to. To tell things to.

'_Was_?'

The tears increased when she nodded her head. It was then that Emily closed the gap, pulled her into a tight embrace. Part of her thought of Emily enjoying the contact, feeling a love that she seemed to still have. But everything they'd been to each other up until that point still shone through. She loved Emily, she was her best friend and regardless of any complications, that still mattered.

'I'm so sorry,' Emily muttered into her ear, cupping her face and stroking away the tears.

'Your still my best friend,' Naomi replied, knowing her words made her sound like a seven year old who'd made friends again after a petty argument about who stole who's Barbie first.

'I know,' Emily whispered, still cupping her face with her hands.

Staring into Emily's chocolate brown eyes, feeling her touch on her cheeks, brushing away the pain made Naomi cry a little harder. When she cried in front of Al he held her and that was all. The last time she cried with Emily, she had her tears brushed away. A memory of Emily's lips removing her tears with kisses filled her mind and before she could think about what she was doing, she'd reached out and cupped Emily's face back. Brushing her lips gently against Emily's in a chaste kiss. She pulled away, stepped away from Emily's touch, her eyes narrowed in confusion.

'I'm just upset,' she whispered, holding her hands up defensively.

Emily nodded, an understanding half-smile on her face. 'I'll go get Al.'

Naomi nodded, watched her walk out of the bathroom. She was just vulnerable and needed comfort. That was all. She went back into the cubicle, closed the lid and curled up until Al came to take her home.

*

The day was about Katie and her nieces, yet Emily couldn't stop thinking about Naomi. First, her revelation that she both regretted and was thankful for. Then the miscarriage, or what they assumed would be such. She didn't stop to chat, allowed Al to take over because although she wanted to go with her, it was his job. The way he held her, comforted her and talked to her made Emily jealous. She would never have that with Naomi, not again. Naomi was _married_, they had a child together. It was different now. She longed to feel that way about Gabriella again, wished her feelings hadn't diminished gradually over the last few months.

'Will you be okay?' Emily asked, hugging Katie on the way to the car. 'I could come and stay for a few days if you want some company.'

Katie shook her head, 'It's okay. I have the girls. You should go home with Gabs, where is she? I didn't see her inside.'

'I think she had a headache,' Emily lied, rubbing Katie's shoulder in support. 'Just call me if you need me.'

'I will, thanks Emily. I don't know how I would have got through this without you. You're well amazing.'

She didn't feel amazing. In fact she felt rather guilty. She'd told Naomi how she felt, effectively put herself in between a woman and her husband. She tried her best not to think of Naomi's lips pressing softly against her own. It was a moment of weakness when she had so much going on in her mind.

When she arrived home, Gabriella was already in bed. Emily changed into a pair of pyjamas and stood in the doorway for a few minutes watching her sleep. She was still angry. Instead of curling up next to her girlfriend, Emily went into the spare room and lay under the covers breathing in and out until she felt herself drift off.

'Emily?' a small voice filled her ear, pulled her from her dreamless sleep. Emily opened her eyes, felt Gabriella's lips crashing against hers until she could do nothing but lay there. 'I'm sorry, I was upset about Cook. I shouldn't have said what I said.'

The past twenty four hours had been harder than Emily expected, the kisses comforted her. She wrapped her arms tightly around Gabs neck and pulled her on top of her. She _needed _her. She needed the comfort. Closing her eyes, Emily allowed her mouth to be violated in kisses. Cold fingers massaged her skin, ran underneath her t-shirt until she imagined the memories of Naomi's fingers tracing her bare chest.

'No,' Emily snapped, pushing her away. 'I'm still angry.'

'Come on Ems,' Gabriella tried. 'I said I was sorry.'

'Fuck you,' Emily screamed out, climbing out of the bed. 'You think you can say that Cook fucking deserved to die and then expect me to forgive you?'

'Ems please.'

'No, just leave me the fuck alone Gabriella. I need some space.'

Her words were the last ones to be said before she disappeared into the bathroom. When she came out again, Gabriella had gone downstairs. Emily glanced at her alarm clock, watched it beep her usual wake up time before having a shower and getting changed. She hadn't intended on going into work, but she needed some peace.

*

The office was closed for the day, Naomi knew it would be but she went along anyway. She knocked gently at first, before banging hard on the wooden door until Emily appeared on the other side. Seeing her caused her to fall apart, the tears that had been hovering on the surface and now she felt she could finally let go. Emily wrapped an arm around her waist and near enough carried her up the stairs to her counselling room.

'Here, drink this,' Emily muttered handing her a mug of tea.

Naomi tried to compose herself long enough to whisper, 'Thanks.'

'There's definitely no baby I assume?' Naomi shook her head. 'I'm sorry Naomi.'

'I didn't want it and now, now I do.'

Emily didn't speak, she just took hold of Naomi's hand and held it tightly, giving her comfort in the only way she could. She didn't want a hand hold though, she wanted to curl up in Emily's arms like she usually did and cry against her neck. When she was sat in the hospital room and the doctor confirmed her suspicions, she didn't want Al, she wanted Emily. The stark realisation made her question her own feelings, torturing her in the night until she finally gave in to the overwhelming feelings. She drove across town and banged on that door until she could be close to her best friend once more.

'I don't care if you fucking love me,' Naomi snapped. 'I just need a hug.'

The tiny smile that used to make Naomi's heart melt appeared on Emily's face. She squeezed her hand a little tighter and walked over to the sofa on the other side of the room. Naomi followed, wrapped her arms around Emily's body and sobbed against her heart.

'When I'm with you,' Naomi sighed, her tears drying up after a while. 'Everything feels so much easier.'

She pulled away until her arms were still on Emily's waist, but their eyes were locked in a moment of confusion. Naomi wasn't sure what it was from her end, but she could see the intensity in Emily's eyes that she hadn't seen since they were last together. Emily reached out to her cheek, brushed the tears from her eyes. Naomi moved closer, closed her eyes and silently begged Emily to kiss her skin.

She did. Emily pressed her mouth against the falling tear that escaped Naomi's watery eyes. She wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do, but she sensed a need and she went with it. She pulled back again, Naomi's eyes continuing to stare at her until the blonde's lips were pressed against Emily's again, tongues playing together in a moment of stolen passion.

'What is this?' Emily finally whispered when they pulled back.

Naomi shook her head. 'I don't know.'

She couldn't figure out what it meant, or why it happened. Naomi just knew she had to do it again, her lips colliding with Emily's for longer, her hands finding an opening in Emily's shirt and her whole body forcing Emily to lie back against the sofa. She wrapped a hand around Emily's material covered breasts, pressing her fingers into the skin a passion rising above where it normally was. Eventually she pulled away.

'I can't,' Naomi sighed, sniffling, wiping her face.

Emily sat up, rearranged her top. 'It's okay, I understand. You're married.'

'No,' Naomi responded, before she had chance to think about what she was saying. 'The doctor said I shouldn't.'

'Oh.'

'But yeah, Al as well. I should go.'

Emily nodded, didn't move from the sofa, just watched Naomi walk out of the room. When the front door of the building closed, Emily finally let out a breath she didn't realise she'd been holding. Everything she wanted had almost happened, yet it didn't make her feel any better.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer:** I don't own Skins. I do own a copy of the DVD and book.**

Summary: **Ten years later; Naomi and Emily and friends, best friends. They've moved on from their relationship in college, have new loves and new lives that mix regularly. But when things change for the people around them, they find themselves pushed together in more ways than one.**

Author Notes: **Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, you guys are awesome and really make my day. So, it's Skins Day 8.0 and we're up to the final countdown, just less than an hour to go. Here's a bit of Skins fun for you before we see the real story! Please review. :-)**

---

**Felt It All Before**

Two weeks later. Naomi lay in bed reading a book when an arm wrapped around her waist and kisses travelled along her bare shoulder. She moved about under Al's touch, tried to push him away in order to continue reading. In the end she closed the book, slid it under her pillow and turned around to face her husband.

'I have to read this book before next week,' she muttered. 'It's for work.'

Words were ignored, lips sought as Al moved closer again, pressing his lips gently against Naomi's and sliding a tongue into her mouth. She responded, let her fingers move to the back of his head and pull him towards her. _She loved kissing._

'Seriously Al,' she pulled away, resting a hand on his hairy chest to keep him at arms length.

'It's been two weeks Naomi, the doctor said whenever you're ready.'

'Maybe I'm not ready,' she sighed, moving her hand up to his face. 'I don't want to rush this.'

Al smirked at her. 'We don't have to have intercourse.'

The suggestion was tempting. Al freed himself from her hand, started to kiss her neck and collarbone again, his hands sliding along the pale skin of her stomach. She closed her eyes, tried to lose herself in thought until Al's fingers forced her to react.

'No,' she snapped, pulling his hand away. 'I can't.'

He nodded, rolled away from her and rested against his pillow with a sigh. The two lay in silence for a few minutes. The thought of him pleasuring her in that way made her feel weak. She usually let him do it, but it was different now. It was what Emily used to do and now that was all she could think about,

'We can try again,' Al whispered, taking her hand and interlinking their fingers. 'It doesn't have to be now, but we can try to conceive again when you're ready.'

The topic of conversation had come up before, only Naomi had shrugged it off that time with a muttered agreement. Now she knew her feelings and sharing them, she knew, would lead to an argument.

'What if I don't want to try again.'

_Silence_. To be expected. Naomi closed her eyes again, tried to forget that she was in her bedroom facing a discussion she didn't really want to get into before bed, or anytime. She longed to be somewhere else, with someone else. _Emily_. No. She pushed the thought aside, couldn't allow herself to think about her. _Emily_. _Stop_, she commanded her brain.

'I thought we got past that when we started trying,' Al frowned, removing his hand from Naomi's. She continued to lie there with her eyes closed, forcing images of animals and her son into her mind to clear red hair and rosy lips and tongues massaging each other. _No. I'm married, I love Al. That's all that matters._

She didn't open her eyes again, could hear Al moving about in the bedroom, his weight shifting off the bed. She waited until she heard the door close before finding the room empty. She curled up under the covers, wrapped her arms around the sheets and hugged them tightly. _I don't feel anything more than friendship, _she repeated until she drifted off.

*

Waking up alone, Emily heaved a sigh. She didn't want it to be that way. She didn't want to feel like she couldn't sleep in the same bed as her girlfriend just because they were still in the middle of a huge fight. They didn't even fight. They lived their lives side by side barely crossing paths except in the morning if Emily was taking too long in the shower, or at night if Gabs offered to cook them both dinner. And then it changed again and she didn't know how to stop it spiralling out of control.

_'I know we're still not okay Emily,' Gabs had whispered one morning, climbing into bed beside her to 'talk'._

_'I know.'_

_'I don't want that anymore. I want you to know how sorry I am for what I said.'_

_'I know you are.'_

_'Then why are you still sleeping in the spare room?'_

_Emily wasn't facing her, couldn't see the pain she could hear in Gabriella's voice. _That was why I didn't want this, _she noted, closing her eyes in dread._

_'I don't know.'_

I do know, _her heart screamed. _I don't love you anymore, I don't _want _you anymore. _Everything was changing, she was changing. But she couldn't say that, she couldn't say anything. When Gabriella's arms wrapped around her waist, pulled her into a tight embrace, Emily didn't move. She longed to be touched and in that moment she could forget that it wasn't the woman she was in love with there beside her. A number of tears slid down her cheeks which she hastily brushed away._

_'I'm sorry,' she whispered, though couldn't put into words a reason why._

_'I want us to go out,' Gabs suggested, moving one of her hands up to Emily's face, stroking her cheek with a tender touch. Emily willed herself not to cry anymore tears._

_'Okay.'_

There was nothing easy about that morning and merely remembering it brought tears to Emily's eyes. _I should have told her. _But she didn't. Instead she'd got dressed up for a night out on a yacht that belonged to one of Gabriella's friends.

_They sipped champagne and talked about vintage wine, of which neither of them knew anything about. They joked about being rich, affording everything their hearts ever wanted and watched the moon rise up. It was there, in the moonlight, that everything got worse._

Emily brought her hand up to her face, stared at the ring on her left hand. _Naomi doesn't want me, can't have me, so why should I wait for happiness to find me? _It wasn't perfect, but life never was. She loved Gabriella, really cared about her. That was enough. It should have been enough. It _was_ enough. She turned over in the bed, cursed the clock for reading only four in the morning. She watched Gabriella beside her, reached a hand out to touch her hair which she retracted swiftly.

If she was in bed with someone who she cared about, why did she feel so alone?

*

'Mandy, I'm a little busy can't it, oh.'

The tall, slender woman with dark hair that Naomi expected to see was instead a shorter, deep red haired beauty that actually made Naomi's voice catch in her throat. Her hair was usually duller, her eyes mostly happy. When Naomi looked at her, she saw only sadness, the weight of the world on her shoulders. She longed to reach out and hold Emily, _my Emily, _she thought before brushing it away.

'Your hair, it's different,' she commented, finding her tongue.

Emily shrugged. 'I wanted a change.'

Naomi narrowed her eyes at Emily, her inability to stay still worried her. 'What's up?'

Naomi sat back in her chair, clicked her pen on and off a few times before throwing it across the desk. Emily pulled over a spare chair like she had done so many times before. They always used to be in each other's offices, chatting away and drinking coffee. _I miss that._

'Nothing,' Emily whispered, picking at a piece of string hanging off her sleeve, she looked thoughtful. The expression only sought further worry from Naomi as Emily let out a sigh that seemed to last forever. 'Gabs and I are engaged.'

'Oh,' Naomi's eyes grew large, she tried to stop it from happening but couldn't help it. Emily looked up, at the sight of Naomi's shocked exterior, she closed her eyes with dread. 'I don't understand how that could happen.'

'I care about her,' Emily reminded her. 'It makes sense.'

'She asked you then?' Emily nodded. 'Christ Ems, it only makes sense if you love her. You sound like someone just died,' Naomi, realising her mistake, covered her mouth. 'Shit, sorry.'

Emily turned her attention away from Naomi. She lifted her bag onto her knee and started to rummage through it, searching for nothing in particular to distract herself from the thoughts running through her mind. She contemplated her answer, wished Naomi would break the silence that had ensued. To no avail.

'Love doesn't bring you happiness.'

The skin covering the place where her heart belonged was aching. Naomi took a deep breath, wished it was simple. She reached a hand out to Emily's wrist, steadying her frantic search.

'What are you looking for Emily?'

'My, my,' Emily stuttered, lifting her head. 'I don't know.'

Naomi nodded her head, started down at her desk as her hand moved from Emily's arm. 'I haven't been able to stop thinking about what happened, doubting everything. I can't handle this Emily.'

'You're married Naomi,' Emily stated, as though it made all the difference in the world. 'You have a son. That's the most important thing.'

'Fuck sake Emily, you think it's that simple?'

'It should be.'

'So because you're happy to get into a civil partnership based on being someone's friend, you think everyone else will do the same?'

Emily glared at her. 'What? No. I love Gabs.'

'But you're not _in _love with her.'

'What does any of this matter?' Emily snapped. 'I've made my decision. You're with Al, I'm going to marry Gabs. We're happy.'

'Except that I can't stop thinking about this,' Naomi sighed, resting her head in her hands. 'Having a husband and a child doesn't stop me from feeling something more than I should for someone in my life.'

'What are you trying to say?' Emily questioned, her eyes darting from Naomi's face, to her hands, to her hair, chest and hips. _The last time I felt this nervous, I was sixteen, _Emily remembered.

'I don't know Emily, Christ, I didn't think there was anything still there. Maybe there isn't, no, there's probably nothing. I'm just being a fucking tit.'

'No, Naomi,' Emily begged, her voice choked by tears. 'Explain, please.'

Licking her dry lips, Naomi rubbed her nose. She didn't know how to speak, how to word the things she wished she could say. Instead she took a deep breath and let the words tumble from her mouth.

'I miss you Emily, I miss how we used to be.'

"When we were really good friends?"

"No,' Naomi whispered, staring at her lips. 'When we were more than that."

"Oh. What, what," Emily began to speak.

Before she could stop herself, Naomi had pushed her chair back, stood up and reached out to Emily. She longed to feel those lips on hers once more, a desire she thought she'd hidden long ago. Their mouths worked together in time for a while, fingers wrapping around strands of hair, digging into the skin on cheeks; tongues working alongside each other.

'Fuck,' Emily cried.

'I know.'

'We shouldn't be doing this,' Emily muttered, her hands barely moving from Naomi's neck. 'Al and Gabs.'

'I know,' Naomi sighed, falling into her chair with dread. 'I wanted to kiss you, I _want _to kiss you. I just want to feel your hands on my hips and your fingers tracing patterns across my skin like we used to do in college. It's not like that with Al, it's never been like that. He's a man, he's, he's not _you_. If Joel hadn't come along, maybe we wouldn't still be together. Maybe, maybe _we _would, maybe,' she couldn't speak, every possibilities growing stronger in her head instead until she couldn't stand it anymore. 'I've never stopped, I don't, I couldn't, Emily. I don't know what it is, but I've hidden it for a long time. This, this desire. I couldn't resist you then and now,'

Emily was already on her feet, closing the gap, her hands were already sliding between Naomi's blonde locks. The door to the office quickly pushed closed and Emily climbed onto the seat, her thighs resting in very small spaces on either side of Naomi's.

'Jesus Christ,' Naomi moaned, allowing Emily full access to her mouth, her hands moving under the back of her shirt as she let go and gave into a passion long since forgotten.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer:** I don't own Skins. I do own a copy of the DVD and book.**

Summary: **Ten years later; Naomi and Emily and friends, best friends. They've moved on from their relationship in college, have new loves and new lives that mix regularly. But when things change for the people around them, they find themselves pushed together in more ways than one.**

Author Notes: **Did nobody get my Mandy reference? :-O I'm shocked! Mandy, yes, THAT Mandy, works with Naomi. ;-) Also, HUGE THANKS to Smasual on Twitter for giving me the inspiration I needed to complete this chapter. Thanks to everyone for the reviews.**

---

**Felt It All Before**

The bed moved on either side of her until the mouth had taken over her face and neck, a hand stroking back the locks of her red hair and a scent so strong that Emily's head felt a little woozy. It was wrong, it was always wrong, but she couldn't stop the desire that made her push her fingers into Naomi's underwear until there was nothing left but rapid breaths and a need to curl up in her arms.

'Why does this feel so right and wrong at the same time?' Naomi whispered.

Emily frowned, twirled a piece of Naomi's hair around her finger in contemplation. She wanted to argue, to tell her that it wasn't wrong just everything it needed to be, but even Emily couldn't deny their wrongdoing. Instead she silenced her with a kiss.

'That won't stop me from wanting to discuss this you know,' Naomi muttered, her lips curling in a seductive smile.

Emily rested her head on Naomi's bare chest and stared up her body into the blue oceans of her eyes. 'Do you know how much that grin makes me want you?'

Naomi raised an eyebrow, a look of 'I know' in everything but words. Emily rolled her eyes, rolled herself onto her back and stared up at the ceiling of her spare bedroom. The first time Emily suggested her house, Naomi had been reluctant. But the high level of risk only made it more exciting.

'Sixteen days,' Emily sighed, reaching for Naomi's fingers, interlinking them between them on the bed.

'I don't know what we should do,' Naomi told the ceiling.

'I don't know what we should do either,' Emily mumbled.

'I don't want to hurt Al, Ems. He's been good to me, he's a good man. And Joel…'

Any mention of Al or Gabriella was usually brief and though it hurt to think about the problems they were causing by being there together, in bed, sharing the most intimate of acts; Emily never felt as guilty as she did at the mention of Naomi's son.

'Don't,' she whispered, unlocking their fingers and turning onto her front, staring across the pillow at Naomi.

Naomi breathed in and out deeply, an action laced with frustration. 'I'm in love with you Emily.'

'What?'

The words made Emily sit up and listen. They'd talked about their feelings, about how they felt something more for each other. Emily had told Naomi again that she loved her. But up until then, Naomi had remained in a place where love wasn't part of the issue, just desire.

Naomi closed her eyes, reached a hand out to Emily's face and stroked the soft skin of her cheek. Emily bit her lip, rested a hand over Naomi's and held it there. She couldn't breath, waiting for Naomi to speak again was like waiting for someone to shoot a bullet through her chest.

'It all fell into place Ems, last night I was lay in bed and Al, he wanted to have sex. But all I could think about was you. I love you so much that right now, it makes it hard to breath.'

The moment should have been one filled with love, of Emily wrapping her arms around Naomi's neck, pressing their lips together until they needed to pull away just to return their bodies to a state of normal. Instead Emily returned to lying down and they lay there, in silence, not even touching as the realisation of their betrayal finally hit them.

*

The yellow house was looking duller than ever. Naomi stayed seated in the car, watching the chipped paint of her childhood home. She missed the simple life, where drinking tea with Gina was the highlight of her day after arriving home from school. But it hadn't always been simple, she had to remember that because simple was a word no one would have used for her later teenage years. She'd fallen hard for the one person she least expected; a girl, her friend, someone who broke down her defences. It took her years to rebuild them only to have them knocked down once more years later, except this time there was a small child sitting in the back of the car and a husband working 'til late.

'Where we?' Joel asked, kicking his legs with frustration at being stuck in his seat in an unmoving vehicle.

Naomi smiled in the mirror, turned to unbuckle her son's seatbelt and allow him free roam of the car. His question abandoned for a small, red fire truck that had been lost under a seat.

'Come on Joe, we're going to see Nana Campbell.'

'Want to play cars,' he moaned, picking up a second vehicle from the floor.

Picking up a third vehicle, Joel stood pouting at her until she responded. 'We can take them inside.'

The house looked even more warn from up close, the doorbell didn't seem to work after Naomi pressed it three times. In the end she knocked, her action repeated by the little boy chatting to himself in her arms.

'Naomi,' Gina spoke from the, now open, doorway. They didn't need to talk, to discuss why she was there. Naomi reminded herself to thank her later for not prying, for being the mother she always had been and for waiting for Naomi to go to her with the problem.

Instead they walked into the house, Gina filled the kettle and they sat down at the same old table in the kitchen, mugs of tea between them like the old days. Naomi stayed silent, merely drank her tea whilst Joel and Gina talked about the cars in his hands. She watched, regretfully, remembering the last time they visited several months ago, a time when her son couldn't even talk.

'Life doesn't always turn out how you expect, does it?' she finally asked, noting how good her mother was with her grandson. _Better than his dad sometimes, _she thought, before hating herself for it. _Al is a good man, a good father._

'Life very rarely turns out that way,' Gina replied, taking out an old cookie jar that Naomi had almost forgotten existed. Joel's eyes lit up and he started chewing on the ginger nut, racing his cars up Gina's leg from the floor.

'I think my marriage is over.'

'Okay.'

The least likely of responses, yet somehow the most expected. Gina was a woman of few words sometimes, she listened and didn't rush ahead with questions or suggestions, never told it how she saw it, just let the words wash over the situation. Which, Naomi realised, was usually what she needed. She hadn't had chance to say the words out loud and now that she had, they felt more comfortable than the fear of saying them.

'It's not Al's fault, I don't know what to do mum.'

Gina simply smiled, reached a hand out and cupped Naomi's. 'Sometimes the answers are right there in front of us, we just need to find the things that make them stand out.'

Naomi sighed. 'I don't want to hurt Al, I don't want Joel to have to go through this.'

'The fear of changing things can often be worse than the reality, the things that step in your way don't need to be holes in the ground, they can be bridges to cross.'

A small laugh escaped Naomi's lips, she shook her head and took a large mouthful of tea, which she noted to ask Gina for the brand later so she could buy some more.

'Always full of words of wisdom,' Naomi sighed. 'But what does it all even mean? How do holes and bridges make me decide if I should end my marriage or not?'

'That depends,' Gina shrugged.

'On what?'

'On if she's worth it, again.'

*

'You and Naomi?'

'Yes.'

'Naomi Campbell?'

'Yes, Katie,' Emily sighed, rolling her eyes with frustration. 'Keep your voice down. I don't think the man by the door heard you.'

'Fuck Ems, you sure know how to ruin your life, twice.'

'Thanks a lot Katie,' Emily snapped. 'I'm asking for your fucking advice. Not a lecture.'

'I don't know what you expect me to say? I've lost my husband and you're telling me you're risking losing the girl you're fucking going to marry for someone who didn't seem to know if she was gay or straight at seventeen let alone now.'

The tone of Katie's voice made Emily want to cry. She was already feeling bad enough, guilty enough; she didn't need someone to tell her what she was doing was wrong. She just _needed _someone.

'I don't love her Katie, not like I used to,' she whispered, the wind knocked out of her sails. 'I love Naomi and I want to be with her.'

'But you're too gutless to tell Gabs, you're fucking tapped in the head. What is wrong with you?'

'Stop this Katie, please,' Emily cried. 'I don't know what to do, I want your advice, not your fucking inner bitch.'

She couldn't handle being judged, being portrayed as someone who was breaking someone else's heart. She knew what she was doing and she knew it was wrong. Naomi knew it was wrong too. But even the things that weren't right, were things that needed to be discussed. Emily had met Katie in the café to avoid the prying eyes of small children, parents and/or partners. She'd been searching for clarity, not criticism. But mostly she just wanted her sister to be the bossy cow she used to be, at least then she wouldn't have to make the decision herself.

'I don't know what to do Katie,' she begged, pleaded.

Katie stood up, dropped a fiver onto the table and stared down at Emily. 'My husband committed suicide just over a month ago and I think I might be fucking pregnant. I don't have time to think about myself right now because I have to think about the girls, so excuse me if I tell you to grow the fuck up and make your own decisions. You're an adult Emily, Naomi has a fucking husband and son, it's not college anymore. Real people will get hurt, so make a decision and make it quick, before the whole thing blows up in your faces and leaves you both so fucking alone that you wonder how you're going to get through the next day, let alone the rest of your fucking life.'

Katie's words felt like a slap in the face. Emily barely had time to process each part before Katie had left the café.

**I'd quite like YOU to choose what is going to happen out of these options:**

**A) Emily and Naomi decide to stay with their partners. (wonder how many people will choose this one?)**

**B) Emily and Naomi decide to split up with their partners.**

**C) Emily and naomi continue to see each other and end up getting CAUGHT by their partners.**

**Vote now. :-)**


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer:** I don't own Skins. I do own a copy of the DVD and book.**

Summary: **Ten years later; Naomi and Emily and friends, best friends. They've moved on from their relationship in college, have new loves and new lives that mix regularly. But when things change for the people around them, they find themselves pushed together in more ways than one.**

Author Notes: **YOU GUYS ARE SOO AMAZING!!! I don't think I have ever received so many reviews in one twenty-four hour period before. I love you all so much for being so awesome and helping me to beat my record! I really can't thank you enough.**

**Please enjoy this chapter because you guys all deserve it sooo much!!! Seriously. *FITCH HUGS* all round!**

---

**Felt It All Before**

She tapped her fingers on the table, stared out the window and let out a heavy sigh. _Now or never, _she decided. As if on cue, the front door opened and Gabriella shouted a greeting through the house. Emily drummed the table again, searching for the courage that seemed lost in the pit of her stomach. She felt sick. Then Katie's words came back to her, the strength in her voice even though she was on the edge. Emily's job was to look after her, she stood up adamant to go to Katie's and support her through the mess of her life. But Gabriella was already in the kitchen, staring at her with a look that Emily knew probably mirrored her own.

'What's wrong? What's happened? Is Katie okay?'

Emily closed her eyes, lowered herself into the chair, leant back against it and slowly let out breaths. She was crying. Tears were escaping her eyes faster than she could stop them and a hand to the face didn't seem to do much good. Gabriella sat down opposite, reached out to her hand and held it tight. Emily squeezed onto it. She _needed _her, she wanted her comfort, but she knew that it would eventually go. That Gabriella would eventually leave her alone.

'I can't do this anymore,' Emily cried, thinking about Naomi and the hurt she was about to cause. They hadn't spoken about it, there wasn't time in between leaving the cafe and going home. It wasn't a decision she had to make with her, it was one she had to make for herself.

'Whatever is going on Emily, I'm here, we can get through it together.'

Gabriella's support only caused the tears to increase. The warmth and kindness in her voice, one of the reasons that Emily fell in love with her in the first place. She reconsidered her actions. _Was this really the best way? Could there be another way? _But Katie's voice infiltrated her thoughts and no matter which way she looked at it, the answer was always the same. Naomi, even though she might never be able to be Emily's, was the one she wanted to be with. Yet more important than that, regardless of her feelings for her friend, she couldn't continued to lead Gabs on, to let her think that everything else was fine when it was far from it.

'I think we should break up.'

An eerie silence filled the room. The hand providing Emily with comfort was quickly pulled away and no matter where she looked, Gabriella's shocked expression had already taken hold of her conscious. _Guilty_. She felt guilty again, more than before, now that things were happening, changes. She couldn't stop feeling it, no matter how hard she tried to push it away. Every inch of her existence was now controlled by the guilt.

'But,' Gabriella began, trailing off.

There were no words, Emily decided. No words that either of them could say to make everything better. She knew it and she suspected that Gabriella probably knew it too.

'It's not been right,' Gabs finally replied, her voice small and useless to the huge void between them.

'No, it's not.'

'Why now?'

'I don't know,' Emily whispered. 'I spoke to Katie and, she made me see that I can't do this anymore, _pretend_, _hurt _you.'

'But I already am hurting,' Gabriella muttered, wiping a tear from the end of her nose.

'It's not you Gabs, I still care about you.'

'What the fuck Emily?' Gabriella snapped, pushing away the hand that Emily reached out. 'It's not you it's me, what a fucking cliché.'

Emily shook her head. 'It's not like that. I promise. I love you Gabriella. I just, I'm not, it's not the same anymore.'

A loud, bellowing laughter escaped Gabriella's lips, her eyes wild with accusation. 'Lets be fucking friends.'

'No,' Emily cried, struggling to handle the reaction she only partly expected. 'Yes, Gabs, you're like my best friend.'

'But that's all?' she asked, calmly, standing up and carrying an empty mug to the sink.

'Yes.'

'That's fucking all,' she screamed out, turning around and throwing the mug across the room until it smashed on the wall a few feet away from Emily.

The crash shook what little piece of hope and control Emily had out of her, her hands began to shake and she stared at Gabriella with the eyes of a stranger. Everything she'd feared and more was unfolding in front of her until a silence returned, so much harder than before. Gabriella slid to the floor, her hands moving in front of her face, not really sure what to do with them until she started to sob and her head fell into them.

'I'm so sorry,' Emily whispered, holding her breath, clutching the table in front of her so tightly that her fingers turned white.

*

When the phone started ringing Naomi suspected she was about to be caught. She closed the bedroom door, pushed her old desk chair against it and sat down on the end of the double she had slept in many times. The light from the window was disappearing as the sun set outside. Al would have already arrived home, would have tried calling her mobile, if only she hadn't turned it off. She moved up the side of the bed, pulled one of the pillows off and wrapped her arms around it as she lay down. Closing her eyes, she could almost imagine being seventeen again, with no worries. She wanted nothing more than to curl up there and sleep, until time had moved on and the problem was no longer there. But she couldn't.

'Mummy sleep,' Joel muttered from beside her.

Opening her eyes, Naomi's little boy reminded her instantly of what she was faced with. It wasn't his fault and she hated to feel so helpless in front of him, but he had managed to stop her pretending that life was okay.

'Mummy's not ready to go to sleep just yet,' she sighed, reaching out a hand to stroke his tiny face. He smiled and closed his own eyes, pushing a fat thumb into his mouth and sucked on it until he drifted off.

There were only so many days she could hide from the world, so many hours and after that, she would have to face up to it again. That was what being an adult was all about, responsibility. An internal laughter reminded her just how immature she still was. She fought with growing up, defended her young adult life at all costs because she didn't want to have to face up to the truth. She wasn't happy. She never had been. She just hid behind what she thought she wanted to make up for the lack of knowing who she was.

_Girlfriend, wife, mother, daughter, friend_, she had merely jumped from one thing to another, roles that she wasn't even sure she could fulfil. She loved the people in her life, yet sometimes she wondered how much. How much could she really love someone when she wasn't even sure of who _she _was? She watched Joel sleeping again, rested a hand on his back as it moved up and down with every breath. She _loved _her son, she knew that. But then she'd also known that she loved Al once upon a time and before that she'd loved Emily.

'What do I do?' she whispered, the words drifting off through the room, like it mattered to say them out loud.

By the time the answer came to her the night had already drawn in and the morning was only a few hours away. Naomi climbed out of the bed, found an old notebook in her bedside table and began to write.

*

The sun rose in the east, in a far off place where Emily had always wanted to travel. Goa, Sydney, Bali, places that she'd never found the time to see, places she would give anything to be in. Instead she was sat on the front step of Katie's house, watching the milkman deliver to the few houses on the street that still had fresh milk.

'Good morning,' the man smiled at her, nodding his head in greeting.

She didn't reply, only watched him climb back into his van and drive down the street in search of the next set of houses who wanted his produce. The milk sat on the step, reminding Emily of her childhood when she'd fight with Katie over who would collect the milk from the front step. She smiled, picked up the bottles and walked to the front door just as it opened and the faces of her two little nieces became visible on the other side.

'Auntie Em!' Megan and Allie shouted with glee, forgetting the battle she assumed they'd had moments ago.

Emily smiled at them, handing them both a bottle each. 'Morning girls. What's for breakfast?'

The two of them walked beside her, talking a mile a minute about some television programme they'd watched about mobile phones and aliens. Emily sat down at the kitchen table as the two little girls ran off in search of their mother. When Katie returned, Emily was already in tears.

'I left her.'

In one swift movement, Katie moved to her twin, wrapped her arms around her and held her close. She stroked Emily's hair, rubbed her back and whispered words of comfort until she was in a better state.

'I'm sorry for being so harsh yesterday,' Katie sighed, still holding Emily's hand.

'No,' Emily muttered. 'You were right, I made a mistake and I have to face up to it, I _am _facing up to it. It isn't fair to bring you into it when you've got so much going on.'

Katie only smiled, squeezed her hand again and stood up to fill the kettle. Then she popped some bread into the toaster and filled a bowl with cereal. Emily watched in admiration as her sister continued about her day, doing the menial things, when they were probably the last thing she wanted to do.

'Katie,' she began, her voice trailing off when she realised she couldn't find the words she wanted to say.

It didn't matter though because Katie seemed to know what she was about to ask, she stopped what she was doing, turned around and gave a weak smile. 'I am.'

In that moment, Emily came to a decision. She needed to be there for Katie, she needed to support her through whatever decision she made about the pregnancy and make sure she was okay. Part of her wondered if breaking up with Gabriella could be a blessing in disguise, a reason to move in with her sister and make sure that someone else's life wasn't in tatters.

*

Gina woke up to screaming. The noise was mostly unfamiliar having spent the last few years living alone. But even she couldn't forget the screams of a child who wanted their mother. She waited, listened for Naomi going to her son, but he continued to scream.

'Joel,' Gina called out, running up the stairs in her nightgown until she found the little boy red faced and teary eyed in the middle of Naomi's bed.

'Mummy,' he screamed out, crying until he could cry no more.

'It's okay Joely,' she cooed, pulling the little boy into her arms and rocking him gently. He seemed spooked at first, that it wasn't his mother; she feared he wouldn't recognise her, but the small smile on his face settled those nerves. Eventually he fell back into a dose and Gina continued to hold him close. As she walked past the desk where Naomi had spent so many of her teenage years doing assignments, she spotted the note, crumpled up on top of a notebook.

'_I needed to go away to do some thinking, you know, by myself. Tell Al I'm sorry. Love Naomi.'_

**The winner of the vote was (as you probably guessed):**

**B) Emily and Naomi decide to split up with their partners.**

**Just curious, I have quite a few fics on the go at the moment; this one, It Ends Tonight, Carry Me Away, Better Tonight, Growing Pains and I wonder, which one would you like an update for next? :-)**


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer:** I don't own Skins. I do own a copy of the DVD and book.**

Summary: **Ten years later; Naomi and Emily and friends, best friends. They've moved on from their relationship in college, have new loves and new lives that mix regularly. But when things change for the people around them, they find themselves pushed together in more ways than one.**

Author Notes: **So you guys continue to be amazing, more reviews for chapter 10? Haha. Thanks to everyone who reviewed chapter 11 too. I hope you enjoy this chapter, I have a feeling we're not far off the end!**

---

**Felt It All Before**

Al stared at her with desperation, tiredness in his eyes and a look of fear. He rocked Joel about in his arms, attempting to settle the little boy who continued to cry out for his mother. Emily was taken aback by the sight that greeted her when she arrived at Naomi's. She hadn't expected to be alone with her, yet didn't expect to find her husband pleading for help with his eyes.

'What's going on?' she asked, stepping into the house and closing the door behind her.

He shrugged. 'Naomi's gone, I don't know where or why, but she left.'

Dread landed in the pit of her stomach and she closed her eyes for a moment to take in the information. A long ago reminder of Naomi in college, letting her know she needed to go away for a while. The stark truth that maybe the same was happening again. Naomi was running.

'What do you mean she's left? How do you know? What happened?' she questioned, letting out only a fraction of the questions she wanted to ask.

Al sighed. 'I don't fucking know Emily, for fucks sake. I just said I don't know where the fuck she's gone or why she left. She wasn't here when I got home last night, then this morning Gina dropped Joel off alone with a message to say that Naomi was sorry. It's all I fucking know so stop asking me so many fucking questions.'

The short temper made Emily take a step back, frozen by concern and worry. Not just for Al, but for Naomi. He didn't know, he obviously had no idea. Naomi can't have told him anything, which was both a blessing and a curse. She wished that everything was out in the open so that at least they could begin to rebuild the shattered life around them. Except that Naomi wasn't there.

'Al, it's okay,' she assured him, stepping towards him and reaching a hand to his arm. He allowed it to lay against his skin.

'He won't settle.'

Emily reached her arms out, her eyes asking for permission as Al handed Joel to her. She rested him on her hip, stroked back his hair and kissed his cheek, rocking him about. She walked into the lounge while Al made them some drinks and by the time he returned, Joel was asleep in her arms.

'How did you…?' he asked, frowning.

'He probably wore himself out, he can probably feel your frustration. I remember when Katie had Allie and there were a few problems between her and James. She wouldn't settle for weeks, eventually they took her to the doctor and they said it was because she felt the tension at home.'

'Oh, right.'

Free of the burden of a crying child, Al slouched back in the chair looking more warn than Emily had ever seen him. They sat in silence for a while, drinking their drinks, contemplating the future with or without Naomi.

'What if she doesn't come back?' he asked finally, his voice breaking up.

'Don't think about that.'

'It's all I can.'

What she really wanted to say was, _I don't want to think about it. _But she couldn't, not because it wasn't going around in her head, but because then she'd have to explain why it mattered so much to her. She tried to remember why she turned up at Naomi's house; to tell her she broke up with Gabs? To ask her to end her marriage? To give her an ultimatum? She wasn't sure. She had gone there with the intention of telling Naomi how she felt, but the longer she sat with Al and Joel, the more she realised how out of her depth she was.

'You must know something,' he begged. 'You're her best friend.'

She shook her head, wishing it wasn't true. 'Things have changed recently, we've been struggling.'

'Oh fuck, maybe she's depressed?' he suggested, running his hands through his hair. 'After the miscarriage, it's not been right Emily. She's not been the same. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like maybe I pushed her too far, but if it's not right with you, maybe it's her. Maybe something's wrong. What if she's…?'

'No.'

She couldn't think of where that sentence was going to lead, didn't want to contemplate the worst case scenario. It hurt too much to consider. She shook her head, repeated the word until it felt comfortably true.

'I just don't know what to do Emily.'

*

No one ever knocked on the door in the middle of the day, apart from when Naomi came home. So Gina was surprised to find Emily on her doorstep, more so to find her grandson with her. She let them both in, got a ginger nut out of the cookie jar and handed it to Joel whilst Emily sat down in the seat Naomi had taken up barely twenty-four hours earlier.

'You're probably wondering what I'm doing here, with Joel.'

Gina raised an eyebrow but said nothing. She poured them both some tea and emptied a box of crayons on the floor for Joel to draw with. She had many questions she wanted to ask though stayed silent in the hope that Emily would answer them all for her.

'I went round to see Naomi last night and Al was struggling. He had to go to work today so I offered to look after Joel.'

'Is that a very good idea?' Gina asked, not quite sure how best to approach the subject that she knew they'd end up discussing.

'You know.'

The fraught expression on Emily's face gave her away, Gina knew that and she suspected Emily did too. She didn't speak, instead nodded her head to confirm her knowledge. In the years after Naomi and Emily split up, Gina had bumped into her on a few rare occasions. They always made pleasantries, but that was all. There seemed to be an unintentional drift between them.

'Do you know where she's gone Gina? Al's really worried. _I'm_ worried.'

'I don't know,' Gina admitted. 'I know as much as Al does. Though maybe _a little more_. She left a note and then she left without saying goodbye. Without taking her son.'

Emily looked down at her hands as they gripped onto the edges of the mug. 'You blame me.'

'Naomi is an adult, she knows her own mind, she knows her actions have consequences.'

'No,' Emily muttered. 'You blame me for everything.'

'Everything?'

'The break up.'

'I don't blame you for that Emily,' Gina informed her, taking a deep breath. 'But what I'll never forget is the night before Naomi's wedding where she spent hours crying because she wasn't sure she could do it. She wasn't sure she could give up the possibility of one day being with you again.'

Emily's brow furrowed, her faced contorted with confusion. 'What? But, that was when, that was a week after Gabriella came home. Just after, after we got together. I didn't think she knew, I didn't think she ever wanted this.'

'She's always known Emily,' Gina informed her. 'But you know Naomi as well as I do, she gets scared. She runs away.'

'So why didn't she run away from Al?' Emily questioned, tears building up in her eyes. 'Why didn't she get scared with him?'

'Because he was there, she was, she was pregnant and he was there.'

'Pregnant?'

'She lost the baby after a month, but she'd already married him by then.'

The increased speed of Emily's breath and the tears sliding down her cheeks worried Gina. She didn't know what to do, how best to handle her tears. Eventually she reached out a hand and gripped it tightly.

'I didn't know, I didn't,' she muttered 'She didn't tell me any of it. If I'd known, if, if…'

'If we knew that things were going to happen before they did,' Gina pointed out, 'Then we'd all be millionaires by now Emily.'

'So you've no idea where she could have gone?' Emily begged, wiping her wet cheeks.

'She didn't tell me,' Gina reminded her. 'But, but there's a place that we went to, that night before her wedding. She made me drive her because I wouldn't let her go off on her own.'

'Where?'

'I don't know where it is, but it was somewhere near here. There was a lake and it was beautiful. She once told me she goes there to think.'

She could barely finish speaking when Emily jumped out of her seat, pulled her jacket around her shoulders and asked her to look after Joel. She tried to consider the options she had, but with such little time she allowed Emily to go, in the hope that she would bring her daughter back safely.

**Thank you for reading and please review!**


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer:** I don't own Skins. I do own a copy of the DVD and book.**

Summary: **Ten years later; Naomi and Emily and friends, best friends. They've moved on from their relationship in college, have new loves and new lives that mix regularly. But when things change for the people around them, they find themselves pushed together in more ways than one.**

Author Notes: **Thank you everyone so much for the reviews, you guys really are the greatest people on earth!!! I hope you'll continue to read, here's another one, please enjoy! It's a shorter one, but I think you'll agree that in this case, shorter is better.**

---

**Felt It All Before**

The edge of the lake was empty when Emily arrived. The spot where she had discovered what it meant to be gay, what it meant to love somebody and what it meant to feel hurt looked no different to that night. She kicked at a stone, watched it roll down the edge of the bank and land in a patch of grass beside the water.

'Who's there?' Naomi's voice filled the void, her blonde hair appearing from behind a tree, her hands tugging her skirt back around her thighs. Emily's lips curled at the edges as she took tentative steps forwards.

'It's me.'

Naomi stared at her for a moment, her expression undisturbed whilst she walked to the edge of the lake. Then she stared out across the water like they had done once before. Emily joined her, didn't find anything to say, just stood beside her in the hope it would be enough.

'You spoke to Al then, or mum.'

'Both.'

'I had to go.'

'I know.'

All of the questions running through Emily's mind evaporated into the clean, country air. Appearing useless in the grand scheme of events. Emily didn't move, even when Naomi turned to face her.

'I don't know what to do.'

Katie's words of wisdom, her harsh reminder that as an adult she had to face up to her life, her mistakes and make decisions for herself seemed significant until she thought about Naomi. Her life wasn't her own and her decisions, though partially her own, affected more than where she was going to sleep at night.

'Joel needs you Naomi,' she whispered, letting the words sit between them for a while.

'I left him,' Naomi signed, regret lacing her voice. 'I fucking left him. What sort of person does that?'

'A scared person.'

'A scared person can't fucking leave their son, just walk out on him. It isn't fair.'

The anger, the frustration in Naomi's words only contributed to the thoughts running around Emily's head. There was nothing she could do now, nothing she could say to make her own decisions better. She had to be strong, she had to do what was best; not for herself, but for everyone else.

'Go home Naomi, be with your husband and your son.'

Blue eyes moved quickly to her face, capturing her in sight. Emily could feel her staring, could sense the level of shock lingering. She shook her head, tried to push away the tears that were already working their way to her eyelids.

'They need you more.'

Without another word, Naomi walked away, took the steps up to the road like she had once before; years ago. Emily waited until she heard Naomi drive her car away, wished she could follow her like last time, wished she could beg her to be brave. But she couldn't. Instead she let her knees give way and crouched down on the floor, her eyes welling with tears and her heart broken into tiny pieces.

*

By the time Naomi arrived at the house it was growing dark. The mid-afternoon blanketed in a new night, clouds of dark grey making her shudder from the cool breeze. She wondered if the weather really did represent how a person felt inside like it usually did in the films. She carried Joel into the house, sat him down with some toys in the lounge before opening the door to the office where Al often worked. She was relieved to find him there, his eyes growing wide when he saw her and she slid into his arms. They stood together for a while, silently holding each other. She wondered just how much it meant to him, to have her there and whether it was still more than it had ever meant to her. But it was comfortable and exactly what she needed.

*

She thought she could do it, let her go, allow her to return to her husband like nothing had changed. But she couldn't. Emily got to her feet, stumbled up the small embankment and ran to the car. She climbed into the front seat, started up the engine and began to drive down the country lane. She was in a state of hysteria, she hoped and prayed that Naomi wasn't already at home pretending as though nothing had even happened. She feared it was already too late, yet the pain throbbing in her chest forced her to believe that there was always a chance.

The tears falling down her face were still coming like rain, emulating the sky as thick drops began to fall on the car. The heavens opened and a torrential downpour covered the vehicle, making the sky instantly dark. Emily turned on her headlights, continued to drive as fast as she could legally get away with.

*

'I'm so sorry for going,' she cried, begging for forgiveness in so few words. Al's hands didn't move from her back, continued to hold her tightly as she sobbed against his shoulder.

'You're here now, that's all that matters.'

'I just, I'm sorry.'

He held her at arms length, smiled into her blue eyes and stroked hair from her cheeks. She closed her eyes at the touch, her imagination picturing Emily stood in front of her. Until she opened her eyes again and the truth forced the red head from her mind.

'Why did you do it Naomi? Why didn't you just talk to me? Why did you need to leave?'

'I just needed time,' she muttered. 'By myself.'

'You could have asked, I'd have said yes,' he sighed, kissing her lightly on the nose. 'I'm sorry that I pushed you so much about having another baby, especially after we lost one.'

She didn't want to talk anymore. His lips found hers in a comforting embrace; sparks didn't fly, hearts didn't swell, but it was enough to live happily. She wrapped her arms tightly around his back, keeping them together because all she needed was someone to hold her.

'I'll look after you now Naomi, I promise.'

*

The wind battered the car as she drove it down the street, the country lane never appearing to end as she struggled to get up enough speed. The storm outside frightened her, but she couldn't focus on that. She had to think about her goal, Naomi. She had to drive to Naomi and nothing would stop her. Her eyes were still covered in tears, her vision blurring up every few seconds from the overflow of watery droplets. Her hands acting as windscreen wipers to her face, never quite fast enough to clear the water. She stared adamantly out the front window, hoping the rain would let up enough to get home safely. Then the sky lit up, lightening struck and the tree in front of her broke apart, collapsing on top of the car. The last thing she remembered before everything went dark, was Naomi.

**Chapter 13, unlucky for some...please review.**


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer:** I don't own Skins. I do own a copy of the DVD and book.**

Summary: **Ten years later; Naomi and Emily and friends, best friends. They've moved on from their relationship in college, have new loves and new lives that mix regularly. But when things change for the people around them, they find themselves pushed together in more ways than one.**

Author Notes: **Wow guys, you keep surprising me with these reviews. Thank you sooo much for them, I appreciate each and every one of them. Please enjoy this next chapter, sorry it's taken so long but I couldn't decide what I wanted to happen, I had to rewriter half of it!**

---

**Felt It All Before**

The bed sunk at the weight of Naomi falling against it, Al's body pushing her into the duvet as he climbed on top. Their lips collided in passionate kisses. Naomi reached a hand up, unfastened a number of buttons on his shirt and ran her fingers across his bare chest.

'Thank God for nap time,' he grinned, biting down on her lip, rolling over and pulling her on top of him.

'Fuck,' Naomi cried out, sitting up, pulling away from her husband's desires.

'What?'

'I left him, I fucking left him at mum's. How could I do that?'

Al shook his head, wrapped a hand around her wrist and followed the lines of her veins. He stared at her from his place on the bed, watching her eyes dart about in confusion and guilt.

'You left him with someone you love who you knew loves Joel.'

'I know, but I still shouldn't have gone without making sure he was okay,' Naomi whispered.

'It's okay Naomi, people make mistakes, we all do. When you'd gone I couldn't settle him, I don't think I've ever been left alone with him when he's been crying.'

'Yes you have,' she replied, adamantly.

Al shook his head. 'We've always done it together. You not being there, I don't know if I know how to look after him properly on my own. I don't think that's right.'

Naomi stared at him, not moving from her seated position. 'You want me to go away so you two can have some time alone?'

'Course not, but,' he shook his head and pulled her towards him, wrapping his hands around the back of her neck and kissing her skin.

_No. _Naomi pulled away again, moved across the bed until her legs could reach the floor on the other side. She choked back a couple of tears, tried to contain her emotions. Al's hand resting on the top of her back made it harder.

'Naomi.'

'I'm not sure I can do this.'

'Oh.'

'I,' she tried to speak, her grasp of words failing her.

Al sat down beside her, took her hand into his and held it carefully over his knee. 'You don't want me anymore.'

'Why do you say that?' Naomi gasped, looking up to his face, pressing a hand against his cheek to make him look at her.

He struggled to speak, took a deep breath. 'I can feel it Naomi, it's different between us, it's been this way for a while.'

'I'm sorry,' she replied, taking her hand back, holding it to her chest. She didn't move, didn't want to move, until the incessant ringing of her mobile phone forced her back into the real world.

*

The thing that surprised Naomi most about the hospital room, was not the machines moving and beeping, it was the lack of privacy. In all of the hospital drama's Naomi had watched as a child, people seemed to be in rooms on their own. She didn't even look at Emily at first because a second bed nearby was being attended to by a group of medical staff. She watched until one of the nurses pulled a curtain across the room, separating them. Then she finally turned to Emily's bed.

'Christ,' she gasped, shocked by how lifeless Emily seemed in the bed. She took several steps closer, warily watching her breath steam up the oxygen mask until she was close enough to touch.

The warmth of her fingers was unexpected, she wasn't sure why because she was alive, perfectly alive. She lifted it up, stroking the back of Emily's hand, drawing love hearts on the skin in the hope the reminder of her love would help.

'It's okay,' a male nurse whispered from behind her. 'You can talk to her, she might hear you.'

'People really can hear you?' Naomi asked, turning to face him.

'It depends. Emily's just not woken up yet, but we expect her to at any time, so she might not.'

'Right.'

Naomi tried to block out the sounds around her, to focus on Emily and nothing else. She perched on the edge of the bed, resting Emily's fingers across her thigh and holding it there.

'Please wake up Emily, we need you, _I _need you,' Naomi muttered, trying to make her words count. 'Everything that's happened, I don't want it to end like this, it can't end like this Ems. You mean so much to me.'

A hand squeezed Naomi's shoulder, causing her to jump from shock. She stood up, smacked Al across the arm and reprimanded him for scaring her. He barely flinched, only stared into her eyes with a look of realisation.

'It's Emily, isn't it?'

'What is?'

'The reason.'

Naomi winced as she swallowed the painful lump in her throat, she wrapped an arm around Al's, forced him from the room until they were out in the corridor. She watched him walk to the window and stare out at a small garden; it reminded her of Emily, flowers blooming, green everywhere. Her heart ached.

'Well?'

'No, Al, I,' Naomi began, her lie creating a horrible taste in her mouth. 'Yes.'

Al's shoulder slouched, his head dropped. 'I should have known, I should have seen this.'

'No, you couldn't,' Naomi assured him, resting a hand on his back. 'It's not your fault.'

'It is,' he snapped, turning around and staring down at her with glassed over eyes. 'I shouldn't have made you marry me, I shouldn't have put that pressure on you.'

'Pressure? What pressure? I married you because I wanted to.'

He shook his head. 'No you didn't Naomi, you married me because you were pregnant.'

She choked on words that couldn't be spoken, she stepped backwards until she could lean against the wall, a welcomed support for the weakness in her body.

'What? Why do you,' she couldn't speak, couldn't finish her sentence.

'We stopped having sex a month before the wedding,' he reminded her. 'You told me less than a week after it, during our honeymoon. I knew Naomi, I knew you must have known. You went distant, your mum tried to convince me it was because of wedding nerves, but I know you Naomi. I always knew why you did it. But I always thought we were okay, that we were happy.'

'We are happy,' Naomi tried, tears controlling her voice. 'Please don't think we weren't.'

'I know. You tried your best, we made it work,' he nodded, cupping her face with his hands. 'But she's always been there, hasn't she?'

'It's not like that Al,' Naomi begged, her face breaking up with the tears that streamed down her cheeks.

'But it is. I've seen the way you look at her, just, _look_, there's something in your eyes, in the way you speak to her sometimes. Like you can't stand to be in the same room with her.'

His hands wiped the tears from her face, his lips kissed her lips in a gentle moment that conflicted with the brutality of emotions. She wanted to hold him in her arms and tell him that everything was going to be fine, that she chose him and they would live happily ever after. But the red head lying in the hospital bed changed everything.

'I, I love you,' she begged, gripping his wrists.

'I know and I love you. But don't try to tell me I'm making this up Naomi, I've tried to pretend it's not real, that we could be happy. But I know, I know that's not what you want. It's never been what you wanted.'

'I'm sorry.'

His angry eyes softened, a soft smile creeping onto his lips, an understanding glare. 'You can't help who you fall in love with.'

Naomi nodded her head, wiped at her tears. 'I'm still sorry.'

'I know. Me too.'

They both let go at the same time. Al stepped back to the other side of the room and stared out the window again. Naomi wiped her face with her sleeve, stepped beside him and returned to the place they'd started a few minutes before.

'I should go and get Joel from that nurse, she said she could only look after him for five minutes. I'll take him home, then pack a bag. When you get back I'll go to my brother's.'

'No,' Naomi demanded. 'Al, you can't go. You don't have to leave.'

'We can't live together anymore Naomi, it's just, too hard, now.'

'I know. I'll leave, I'll go to mum's. Your brother lives a hundred miles away, mum's down the road. It makes sense.'

He sighed heavily. 'What about Joel? The move'll unsettle him.'

'He can stay with you, until we get things sorted. I don't want him to be unsettled as much as you. He's our priority, he always has been.'

Al nodded silently.

'I'll be home soon,' she sniffed, wiping a few fresh tears. 'I need to wait for Katie to arrive. Then I'll come home.'

Naomi watched him walk down the corridor, no more words between them. He stopped, turned around and cleared his throat, hiding a teary voice.

'Naomi?'

'Yeah?'

'When she wakes up, give her my love, okay?'

A tiny smile and a final nod was all Naomi could handle as she watched Al walk away. She reached for the wall, lowered herself onto a chair as she let out the sobs she'd been holding in.

**What did you think of how Emily ended up? The first draft Emily had only a broken foot, so bit of a change in this final draft then! Please review!**


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer:** I don't own Skins. I do own a copy of the DVD and book.**

Summary: **Ten years later; Naomi and Emily and friends, best friends. They've moved on from their relationship in college, have new loves and new lives that mix regularly. But when things change for the people around them, they find themselves pushed together in more ways than one.**

Author Notes: **Thank you very much to everyone who read and especially those who took the time to leave a review, it really means a lot to read what you think of the story. I hope you like this next chapter! Please review.**

---

**Felt It All Before**

The woman sat beside the bed, when Naomi returned, barely looked recognisable. The last time she'd seen her was at the funeral, where Naomi had been mostly distracted by her own grief and Emily's admission. She stood in the doorway and watched Katie stare at her twin sister, who was still unconscious. Katie's face was puffy, her eyes red with what Naomi could only assume were tears. She let the door close behind her, signalling her arrival. Katie's eyes appeared watery when she looked up, her face contorted with anguish. Naomi bit her lip and walked across the room to stand on the other side of the bed.

'Mum and dad are in Magaluf with my grandma, they're trying to come home,' Katie explained, her voice doing nothing but affirming Naomi's observations. 'James is getting a train from Edinburgh tomorrow morning.'

Naomi sat in a vacant chair, 'Where are the girls?'

'I, I left them with, a neighbour.'

'Are you okay?'

The question did what it always did when somebody wasn't. Naomi swallowed a lump in her throat when Katie's face twisted up and her eyes overflowed. She reached across Emily's unconscious body, gripping Katie's hand tightly.

'I can't do this.'

No explanation was needed, Naomi knew it was about Cook. She wished she could inform the twin that Emily would be okay, that everything was going to be just fine. But she wasn't sure it was. So much had happened that she began to doubt even her own role in the world. She tried to speak, but her own tears made it difficult.

'_We _can do this.'

Katie wiped her eyes, her hand shaking against her cheek. 'I don't know if I have the strength to.'

'You don't need to be here Katie,' Naomi assured her. 'Go home, be with your girls. When Emily wakes up, I can call you.'

'I shouldn't, she's my _sister_.'

'And she's my,' Naomi began, the words disappearing when she realised she didn't know _what _Emily was to her anymore. 'You need to look after yourself, let the doctors look after Em.'

'They,' Katie began, nodding her agreement. 'They did some tests, they're worried about something, I can't remember what they said. They're keeping an eye on her, in case, in case it gets worse.'

Naomi squeezed Katie's hand, 'Okay.'

'I shouldn't go,' Katie muttered, stifling a yawn.

'Look at you, you're warn out. Go home Katie, try and get some sleep. Please. I'll call you, I promise.'

Brown eyes stared at Naomi's blue ones, her heart ached when she realised how similar Katie's eyes were to her sister's. She bit down hard on her lip, tried to control the urge to curl up on the bed beside Emily and cry. In the end she gave Katie a weak smile.

'I haven't slept properly in days, the girls keep having nightmares. Please call me, if anything happens, at all.'

'I will.'

*

The plastic chair wasn't very comfortable, especially when Naomi woke up from sleeping. The room was empty, apart for a woman checking Emily's chart. She stretched her arms out, regretted the pain now settling in her back. Emily hadn't moved, not that she'd expected her to. She leant forward, took her hand and moved her thumb across Emily's palm. The hand moved around it, making Naomi look up to the nurse with wide eyes.

'Emily?' she gasped, staring at the nurse. 'Did you see that?'

The nurse nodded, moved around to the side of Emily's bed and watched her hand. Naomi let go of it, stood up and leant against the end of the bed. Her heart thumped in her chest, her brain screaming at Emily to wake up.

'Come on Ems, you can do it.'

She looked at Emily's face, focused on her eyelids until they began to flutter with movement. Her heart began pounding in her ears until a small cry fell from her lips. She clung to the end of the bed and watched Emily's body moving, shaking about violently. The level of oxygen travelling through Naomi's lungs seemed to decrease and a hand moved to her chest.

'What's happening? What's going on?' she cried out, the seizure taking hold of Emily's body like a child with a rag doll.

'You need to wait outside,' the nurse informed her, pressing a button which prompted several people to enter the room. Naomi watched as the nurse explained the situation, the group of doctors and nurses gathered around the bed pushing her to the edge of the room.

'What the fuck is happening?' Naomi cried out again when they began wheeling the bed out of the room. She tried to follow, but the nurse stopped her by the door. 'Don't fucking stop me, I need to be with her.'

'Please, they're doing everything they can. You need to stay here.'

Weakness in her knees made it impossible to move. Naomi's hand came down on the woman's shoulder and she stood staring into her eyes, her vision blurred. 'Please. Don't let her die.'

The woman helped her down the corridor and into a small room with sofas and a television. She fell into a chair, her heart aching for Emily. She wished for unconscious Emily back, anything better than not knowing what was happening. It took a few minutes for Naomi to realise that the nurse hadn't left, instead she'd sat down opposite her.

'Emily's been taken to have a scan and then she will probably have an operation.'

Naomi opened her mouth to speak, until a tiny unrecognisable voice came out. 'Why?'

'We suspect that maybe she's got bleeding on her brain, a brain haemorrhage.'

'P, p,' Naomi gasped, choking on tears. 'People, they die from that?'

The nurse's mouth curled upwards in a sympathetic smile. Naomi's eyes narrowed, her body shaking with tears and worry. The woman reached out and held her hand, squeezing it carefully.

'There are lots of ways this could go. That's why we had to rush her off, to make sure that Emily has the best chance possible. A lot of people get through brain haemorrhages and go on to lead perfectly normal lives again.'

Naomi nodded her head and even after the nurse had gone, she stared at a little wooden table in the middle of the room, unable to think of anything else other than Emily's eyes fluttering and her fingers wrapping around Naomi's thumb.

*

A few hours passed. Naomi didn't know how long, she didn't want to count down the seconds. Instead she stared into space, remembering everything about Emily that made her smile. The way she ran her fingers through her hair when she was thinking, the curve of her lips when she smiled, the huskiness of her voice post-wake up and the feel of her fingers travelling across Naomi's skin whenever they had sex. The more things she thought of, the more she realised what she'd missed out on. Years of Emily's fingers interlinking with her own, mornings and nights without Emily drawing patterns across her stomach, sharing moments of joy and pain. She'd missed it all because she'd been too afraid to risk getting hurt, to risk changing her life and maybe risk hurting other people in the process. When the nurse came back into the room she couldn't talk, she just followed the woman back to the intensive care room. Emily was alive, that was the main thing.

'When will she wake up?' Naomi whispered, the sound of her voice surprising her.

'We've put her into a comatose state, to assist with her recovery. When we feel she's ready, we'll bring her round.'

'Oh.'

'For now, it's okay to talk to her.'

Naomi nodded her head, sat down beside the bed and took Emily's hand. Nothing had changed in the hours since Naomi had first arrived at the hospital. Except the tube in Emily's throat helping her to breath and the large padding on the side of her head.

'Emily,' Naomi whispered, struggling to get used to the sound of her own voice sounding so thin and broken. 'I, we, you.'

There was something strange about talking to a person who wasn't awake. It made Naomi feel self-conscious, as though someone was going to come in and tell her she'd gone mad and would have to be admitted to the mental health ward. She tried to think of something to say that would make everything easier, that would make sitting in a hospital room holding Emily's hand easier.

'Emily, remember when you took me to that circus. I refused to go because I didn't want to see any animals suffering, but you made me go anyway,' she muttered, letting her thoughts guide her. 'There weren't even animals there. Except for that dog that chased the man around for treats. I remember it so clearly, like it just happened. Your hair was extra red because you'd just dyed it, you made me help you and I couldn't get the red dye off my fingers for weeks. So we got the bus to the circus and you paid my fare, it was only a small gesture, but it made me want to kiss you so hard that when we got to the back seat of the top deck I ended up with my hand up your skirt. Do you remember?'

The question evaporated into the silence, disappearing between the beeping of the machines. She let her lips curl at the edges and pushed her chair closer so that she could rest both elbows on the edge of the bed. She pulled Emily's hand up and pressed her lips against the soft skin of Emily's knuckles.

'I bet you're saying yes because I know you never forgot that day, like I didn't. How could we? That old woman who came upstairs just before our stop looked like she was about to collapse when she saw where my hand had been. You wore that blue top that kept riding up, so you'd pull it down and get annoyed. I never told you, but I loved watching you pull it down because I got a better look at your tits. The circus was a bit shit and that fucking twat in the row behind stole our drinks, but we had a good time, I remember it being a good time.'

A few tears stung Naomi's eyes until she had to close them, forcing the droplets down her cheeks. She rested her head against her hands, Emily's hand and closed her eyes tighter.

'That night we had sex in my bed, we always had sex in my bed. You liked it there, you said it made you feel like you were at home. Like you were in our special world where nothing else mattered. I feel like that whenever I'm with you Emily, it doesn't matter where we are, when I'm with you I'm at home, in our special world,' sobs disrupted her words, stopped her from completing what she wanted to say. She paused to wipe her face, to take back control of her emotions. 'I can't do this without you Emily, life, it's not the same. Al said, he said that I used to look at you like I couldn't stand to be in the same room as you and he was right. But you know what, I couldn't stand it even harder to not be. It killed me seeing you almost every day, with Gabriella, _not _with me. But it killed me even more thinking about moving, about being away from you, about never seeing you again. That's why you need to wake up Emily, that's why you need to get better. Because, because without you I'm just someone who is lost in this great big world. Joel, he makes my life so wonderful and I love him so much, I do. But you're my map, without you I don't know, I just…don't know.'


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer:** I don't own Skins. I do own a copy of the DVD and book.**

Summary: **Ten years later; Naomi and Emily and friends, best friends. They've moved on from their relationship in college, have new loves and new lives that mix regularly. But when things change for the people around them, they find themselves pushed together in more ways than one.**

Author Notes: **Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing, I appreciate all of the comments I receive about my stories, you guys rock! I hope you enjoy this chapter, sorry it's not the longest but I wanted to end where it's ended so it limited things a bit, lol. Please review. :-)**

---

**Felt It All Before**

The flowers in the vase weren't dead, they weren't even wilting, but Naomi still exchanged them for a fresh bunch. She made sure to change them every other day, just in case. It didn't matter to her that she'd spent more on flowers in those two weeks than she ever had in her life before. Emily deserved the best of anything, especially the one thing in life she loved after her family and friends.

'Good Morning,' she greeted Emily, brushing her hair back from her face and kissing her cheek. 'It's a lovely day out, one of those days where you'd probably want to work on the garden. We've been having a lot of them lately, haven't we? I think the world is trying to tell you something.'

Naomi moved around Emily's bed; checked to see if her fingernails needed clipping, or if her legs needed shaving. The doctors said it didn't matter. It did. She didn't want Emily to wake up and not feel entirely comfortable in her appearance. Aside from the lack of hair on one side of her head. But that could easily be fixed, she noted to think up ways of telling Emily how beautiful she looked to ensure she didn't feel conscious of her hair.

'Day fourteen Em, come on. Joel's been asking after you, he wants to know when Auntie Em is going to come visit. He doesn't really understand anything that's going on, he thinks mummy's spending time at grandma's because of you being sick. But you know as well as I do that it's because of you being you, being the you that I love. I do love you Emily, don't you forget that.'

A few hours passed and Naomi didn't even know where they went. The door to the hospital room opened, a face so familiar yet so strange stared back at Naomi's weary eyes. She watched Katie stalk across the room towards her, eyes narrowing in on her until the older twin was staring at her with sadness.

'How many hours?'

'Not many,' Naomi replied, noticing the woman behind her. She tried to smile at Jenna, but her cheekbones didn't quite move.

'How many?'

Glancing at her watch Naomi opened her eyes wide. 'Three and a half.'

'Fag break,' Katie muttered, tugging on her hand until she was forced to stand up.

The sun continued to shine, she tried to remember to tell Emily that the sun was shining for her. She lit up a cigarette, pressed her lips to the paper and breathed in the tobacco until her lungs were full. The brick wall was cool against her back, the rough material scratching it slightly. A stale taste infiltrated her senses until she threw the barely smoked cigarette onto the floor and stamped it out.

'It's my turn to tell you to go home,' Katie informed her. 'The nurses are getting sick of throwing you out.'

A small smile shared between them broke the ice, ice that Naomi hadn't even realised had set between them since she called Katie up to inform her that Emily had just got out of surgery. They'd argued about the length of time she'd waited to call, yet in the end all that mattered was that she knew. They both knew that and the hours after they'd sat together with their fingers connected. She turned to face Katie, to stare into her hollow, dark eyes. There was so much pain and suffering; maturity beyond her years. Naomi choked on a couple of tears.

'No.'

'Naomi you can't keep being here every day and expect to be okay,' she sighed. 'I won't let you do this to yourself, for Emily.'

'I can't.'

'You need to,' Katie muttered. 'To be here for Emily, we need to be well. If I could be here all the time I well would be, but we can't put our lives on hold infinitely.'

'It's not infinitely,' Naomi cried, swallowing a number of tears. 'Just until they wake her up.'

Katie took a deep breath, reached a hand out to her arm, 'Naomi.'

'I can't leave her again,' Naomi stumbled, her words laced with tears. She ran a fingertip along the edge of her eye in an attempt to remove the tears before they fell.

Katie frowned, 'Again?'

'Be, before the accident I was with her. She told me to go, to go back to Al. So I did. That's when it happened.'

A huge weight lifted from her shoulder, a piece of information shared that she hadn't even realised was pushing her down. She stole a glance at Katie, tried to establish what Emily's sister thought about what she hadn't told her.

'Are you blaming yourself?' Naomi nodded before she even realised what she was doing. 'Don't. You can't. Naomi, it was a fucking accident. What happened to Cook, I can blame myself for that. But this, it was just a stupid weather related accident that's well messed up our lives.'

'Katie, I,' Naomi tried to speak, but her words faltered. Instead she reached out and wrapped her arms around her shoulders, squeezing her gently in her arms until she felt her shake with sobs.

Returning to the hospital room, Naomi paused in the doorway when she spotted Jenna talking to her daughter. Her lips curled at the edges as she stood and listened.

'Allie was following Meg around all morning, reminded me of you and Katie when you were little. She would order you around and tell you what to do and you'd do it because even though you were twins, you looked up to her. I couldn't picture Allie and Meg not together in the same way I can't imagine you, you,'

The slow break down made Naomi's heart ache. She walked across the room and wrapped her fingers around Jenna's shoulder. They shared a strained smile until Jenna lowered her head and wiped her eyes. Eventually she stood up and the pair hugged in greeting.

'You're a really good friend Naomi. I'm glad Emily has you in her life. I know with everything that happened years ago, I'm sure we're all older and wiser now. But you're a good friend.'

'Look, Jenna,' Naomi sighed, still holding one of her hands between her own. 'About that, I love her, okay? I'm in love with your daughter in the same way I was in college. I always have been and if she wasn't in a hospital bed right now, then we'd be together.'

'It's you.'

There was no time for a reaction off the one person that scared Naomi the most. A third voice in the room, one neither of them expected, travelled towards them until Naomi's eyes were locked with the eyes of Emily's ex-girlfriend. She stared at her, words caught in her throat as everything she thought was okay suddenly exploded.

'She left me for you?'


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer:** I don't own Skins. I do own a copy of the DVD and book.**

Summary: **Ten years later; Naomi and Emily and friends, best friends. They've moved on from their relationship in college, have new loves and new lives that mix regularly. But when things change for the people around them, they find themselves pushed together in more ways than one.**

Author Notes: **Unless you've had writer's block yourself, I don't know if you'll realise just how difficult this chapter has been to write. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get something *anything* to you guys. But I thank you all for hanging in there. I don't know if another chapter will appear soon, but here's hoping! I hope it's not too terrible. _ Please review!**

---

**Felt It All Before**

Naomi's head burned with the feel of every hair being pulled hard. Her hands moved protectively to her head, her feet struggling to keep up with the movement of the person the aggressive hands belonged to.

'Get the fuck off me,' she screamed as the door closed behind them. The familiar view out the window in the corridor. She fought her way free, until her eyes met two very dark, very angry ones. They stared at each other, their eyes locked in a battle that Naomi never expected to happen. Until her gaze was broken by the movement of a hand across her face.

'You two should be ashamed of yourselves,' Jenna announced as she tried to separate them with Katie's help. Naomi lunged for the woman, seeing red as fingernails clawed for skin and she received another hard slap across the face. A pair of hands finally dragged her backwards and she was gasping for breath, rage and frustration the only thing she could feel. Then Gabriella doubled over in front of them, her face contorted with anguish, her heart outwardly broken by the way her body shook with great sobs.

'I never meant,' Naomi whispered, words catching in her throat. 'I didn't, we didn't want to hurt you. Emily didn't want to hurt you.'

'Think it's a bit late for that,' Jenna warned, her eyes narrowing towards Naomi with the same apprehension they had when Naomi was seventeen.

'I'm, I'm sorry. I really am. I just love her so much.'

'I love her too,' Gabs cried against Katie's shoulder, shaking her head with disbelief.

'I know, Emily knows. She just, we tried, we just couldn't.'

The swollen, red eyes of Emily's ex-girlfriend pushed Naomi close to tears. She swallowed a lump in her throat, didn't think it right to show her pain when Gabriella deserved her moment as the heartbroken, innocent party in her affair with Emily. She silently begged for Emily to wake up, to share the burden of their betrayal. Yet at the same time hoped to whoever might be in control of the world that Emily could be protected from even more pain and suffering.

'I'm so sorry,' she mumbled, wiping a few stray tears from her face.

Her feet carried her off down the corridor, away from the destruction she so desperately hated. She knew Gabs deserved a little more than her weak apologies, she had _'stolen' _her girlfriend after all. But none of that mattered to where Emily was now. She needed them all, even ex-girlfriends. She rounded a corner colliding with a woman who carried a small child in her arms. She apologised and rushed past until a familiar voice called her back.

'Mummy.'

The thumping of her heart in her chest sent a wave of sickness around her already fragile body. She turned, forced a smile onto her face and accepted the little boy into her arms. She held him there, sobbing against the side of his shirt.

'Is she okay?' the woman asked, her own mother.

'She's still alive,' Naomi replied, knowing there wasn't much else to say to answer the question.

Gina's hand came down on her shoulder, resting against her arm in comfort. 'I think it's time we go home for a few hours.'

She nodded, allowed Gina to lift her little boy to the floor. He stood holding her hand as her mother brushed the tears and matted hair from her eyes. She kissed her cheek and held her in her arms.

'When we get home, you're going to rest.'

There was no defence, no argument against her request. Naomi merely nodded her head and followed her down the corridor towards the exit.

*

'She stole her from me. If it wasn't for her, Emily and I would still be together.'

'It's not like that Gabby,' Katie tried to defend her sister, a desire to speak for the one person who couldn't give her own answers.

'What is it like then Katie?' Gabriella snapped, pacing the family room repeatedly.

'She loves her, she always has done.'

Dark hair flew about, arms flailing up in the air, falling down beside her hips. Katie took a deep breath, pondering how best to continue the conversation she regretted starting.

'_I _love her, _I've _loved her for years. We worked well, we had a good, strong relationship. They were friends, they've always _just _been friends.'

Katie bit her lip, reaching a hand out to Gabriella's shoulder. 'I think you know as well as I do how close they are, were.'

'They dated in college, it didn't really go anywhere, so fucking what? We're adults. Naomi is fucking straight.'

'Is that what Emily told you?' Katie narrowed her eyes. 'That it didn't go anywhere in college?'

'Yeah,' she replied, staring at Katie in shock. 'She lied to me?'

'Naomi was the girl that made her realise she wasn't straight. I think she suspected before then, but it wasn't 'til we saw her again in college that Emily _knew_. And as for Naomi, she's never been straight. She just hides herself well. She wasn't sure about being gay then and I don't think she was when she married Al. It's Emily, it's _always _been about Emily.'

'Fucking bitches,' Gabriella cried out, wiping at her tearstained face and falling into a chair. She hunched over, sobbing into her hands until Katie moved beside her and pulled her into her arms. She may not have been Emily's girlfriend anymore, but she had always been a good friend.

*

The bed sunk beneath her body, pulling her into the soft folds of the material. The comforting touch barely impacting on the need for reassurance. The bed wasn't enough, it never would be. Naomi pulled a spare pillow out from under the other side of the duvet, wrapping her arms tightly around it. She closed her eyes, hoping sleep wouldn't be far behind if she could trick her mind into believing the pillow was Emily. No such luck. She began to drift, her attention dissipating with the onset of sleep. Her brain began to switch off until it was quickly reminded that Emily wasn't far from being woken from her induced coma. A fear filled Naomi with such strength that she wondered if it would consume her entirely. She was left gasping for breath, unable to bare the thought of losing Emily again, losing her entirely. She squeezed the pillow harder, her fingers joining on the other side, her fingernails digging into her skin. None of it mattered. Eventually her breathing evened out and she felt herself drifting again.

*

When Joel cried, Gina would wake up. Ever since Naomi had been a baby she responded to children crying like a mother. Sometimes, when she saw children fall in the street, she had to remind herself that they weren't her children and she had no place going to them. Every night since Joel came to stay he had cried for his mother. The first night he didn't cry and Gina still found herself lying awake in anticipation for the cries she suspected weren't coming. Instead she was awake at the right time to hear her grown up daughter sobbing. It started off as quiet cries until finally it turned into howls. Her heart broke for Naomi and she was pulled out of her bed like a ship drawn to a Siren on the rocks at sea.

'Naomi,' she tried, her words drowned out by the continual cries. Instead she moved to the side of the bed, pulled back the covers and crawled inside. She forced her arms around Naomi's shoulder, pulling her into an embrace. Naomi struggled against her, angry cries as she tried to push her away. Until her eyes opened and their shared blue orbs met long enough for Naomi to see the possible comfort beside her. From then on, she held her through the night until they both fell asleep.

*

By morning, Naomi was exhausted. The first night where she'd actually managed to sleep left her more tired than she'd ever been. She smiled when she spotted the blonde locks of her mother, curled up with her like she used to do when Naomi was little. She had always refused her, acted like she didn't need someone there to be able to get to sleep even when she was sad. Now she couldn't deny the fact that her mother's love had always been enough to settle her.

She kissed her cheek before climbing out of bed. 'Thank you.'

Tip toeing across the room, she picked up some clothes and closed the door behind her. As she sat in the kitchen fully dressed, a mug of tea in her hands, she was reminded of the day she first realised how much Emily meant to her and how petrified she was of her feelings. She longed for a simpler time, days when being with Emily were easy. Hearing Joel stirring from the spare bedroom, Naomi was pulled from her thoughts back into the present. If she went back to then, she wouldn't have her little boy. The clock hands ticked around until she was left with the conundrum; go to Emily, or be with her son. Despite how hard it was not returning to the hospital, she knew where her priorities lay as she went into the spare room and greeted her son.


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer:** I don't own Skins. I do own a copy of the DVD and book.**

Summary: **Ten years later; Naomi and Emily and friends, best friends. They've moved on from their relationship in college, have new loves and new lives that mix regularly. But when things change for the people around them, they find themselves pushed together in more ways than one.**

Author Notes: **I've never really written this kind of view point before, so I hope you forgive me for any mistakes there may be. I've never been there, I just don't know and for once, I didn't take the time to research. I was too busy trying to get you all a new chapter since I've been a pile of crap in the update department of late. I'm so thankful to you guys for reviews and for reading, just knowing you're reading is very nice indeed. I hope you enjoy and please review!**

**Felt It All Before**

The morning after the night before. Emily's head was heavy, so heavy she couldn't even lift it from the pillow. She could barely open her eyes and her mouth, well, something was blocking it. She considered the options; sickness, she could have been about to choke on her own vomit. Or maybe her tongue. She'd heard stories of people getting so hammered that they fell unconscious and swallowed their tongue. It didn't feel like that though. She could move what she assumed was her tongue, not much, but enough to know she probably wasn't on the verge of swallowing it. Whatever it was made it difficult to breath and with every almost failed breath she felt a little bit of terror building up until she didn't think she'd be able to stand it anymore. She panicked, attempting to cough and instead gagging under the strain of her throat either constricting or whatever it was simply blocking her whole windpipe. There was commotion around her, people whispering her name; some familiar and some not. The dots didn't connect, the voices, the people, the images she saw when she finally cracked open her eyes. Nothing was familiar, nothing looked like anything she remembered or knew. Suddenly the commotion died down and she could breath again, not easily through her own breath, but by something travelling into her body through tubes on her nose.

The longer the confusion, the feeling of waking up after a week long thrashing, the harder it was to withstand. She furrowed her brow and a band of pain shot through her skin. Her head cleared slightly, enough for her to feel what she had previously been shielded from; pain, _no_, aching. An ache that stretched from the tips of her fingers to the base of her feet. The hangover didn't feel much like a hangover anymore, instead it felt like she'd run up a mountain or swam an ocean. It reminded her of aerobics at the gym which Rob made her and Katie go to. The first few weeks their bodies ached and by morning it felt like they'd spent a month on the treadmill not an hour doing body exercises.

But really, she couldn't remember why she felt that way. She tried, her head just wasn't clear enough. _Can't remember._ she thought, attempting to connect the dots with the pieces of information she'd collected. _Can't fucking remember. _She tested herself, double checked the basic details she knew that she knew. There was no problem there, _definitely not a hangover either_. She knew who she was, how old she was, who her family were. She knew she worked at a youth counselling service and that her sister was pregnant and that Cook was dead. She just couldn't remember where she was, why she was there and what she did before she arrived.

'Emily!'

Two voices speaking at the same time, in the same pitch, almost the same except they were two different people. Emily turned, or at least moved her face slightly in the direction of the voices until familiarity made her face ache.

'She's smiling, she recognises up,' Katie announced with glee.

Suddenly Emily wanted to speak, her body screamed from the inside, but no words came. Instead there were a few small moans and groans that only seemed to worry the two women. Even in the state she was, Katie's enlarged stomach was blindingly obvious. Emily tried to remember the last time she saw her and the difference now. Time had moved on. Whatever the reason was for Emily being there, wherever she was; time had carried on moving and by the looks of it quite a long period. Then it occurred to her, her mother and sister were by her bedside.

'Hospital?' she mumbled, attempting to look around the room.

'Yes,' Jenna assured her, resting a hand on her shoulder with more care than Emily had ever received in her adult life before from her mother. 'It's okay, you're going to be okay now. We'll look after you.'

She _was _okay. Nothing concrete confirmed that and her heavy body, that she felt too exhausted to move, made her doubt it. Yet knowing her mum was there, telling her she was fine, somehow made it all better. She was relieved, happy for what felt like the first time in forever, so much so that tears fell from her eyes, rolling down her face into her hair and her mother was there, _closer_, one hand on her forehead and the other brushing her hair back.

'Mummy's here, I'll look after you my beautiful baby girl.'

The hand brushed further against her head, closer than she expected. Something didn't feel the same. Jenna's touch comforted her, yet left her with a sense of sorrow she couldn't place.

'Would you like a drink?' Katie asked, holding up a cup with a straw. She wanted to laugh at how juvenile it appeared. Twenty-seven years old and only being allowed to drink through a plastic bendy straw.

She smiled, 'Yes.'

_Green_. The colour of the straw, the colour of everything outside. Overwhelming feelings for that colour flooded into her memories and she rejected the plastic despite it causing a spill down her neck. It _hurt_. Out of nowhere, no answers, just pain that engulfed her until she was gasping for breath. Finally it dissipated, giving her relief from strangled intensity.

'Don't worry,' Jenna assured her. 'It's going to take a little bit of time but you're going to be just fine.'

'You don't know that,' Katie snapped, in a hushed tone at the foot of the bed. They argued, sniped like Emily wasn't even there. She wished to tell them to stop being so selfish and stupid, but the words wouldn't connect with her mouth.

'When she's out of hospital I want to take her to Spain with your dad and me.'

'Are you joking?' Katie gasped. 'No. I need her here.'

'Stop being selfish Katie. Your grandma has offered us her Spanish apartment to give her somewhere relaxing to get better. It's for her own good.'

'What about me?' Katie snapped, her voice breaking in all the ways that made Emily want to cry. She felt like joining in, screaming at them that it was her decision what she did but when she tried her voice didn't want to work. The harder she tried the more fraught she became and the less chance she seemed to have of succeeding.

'What _about _you?' Jenna asked, her eyes narrowing at Katie with contempt.

'I have no one. You can't take her away from me too.'

'If you hadn't married that good for nothing,'

'Here it comes,' Katie cried. 'I'm sorry that I disappointed you with my choices but if you haven't noticed we're a couple of months off me being a single mother of three. Do you really think I asked for that?'

'Sorry to disturb.'

Another voice. The tone quieter but shockingly too familiar. _Naomi. _She wished to turn, to look towards her and greet her like she would have done before, before _what_? If it wasn't for the niggling feeling that something wasn't right.

'I have to go,' Katie muttered, disappearing from Emily's vision.

Everything went silent then, other than the sobs coming from the corridor and Naomi's voice offering comfort to her sister. She tried to hear what they were saying but the sound was too far away and her ears didn't want to connect with her thoughts. Instead she caught snippets, words that mostly meant very little.

'It's okay…your mother…Jenna Fucking Fitch.'

Then it came, _everything_, flooding in with such force that had Emily been standing she probably would have been bowled over.

'Joel.'

'_Joel needs you.'_

Pain. Sorrow. Hatred. It all filled her up, overflowed through her veins and muscles and an already aching body felt like it was even more so. Emily clenched the bed sheets beside her, every breath faltered with the sobs and heartbreak she felt all over again.

'_Go home Naomi, be with your husband and son.'_

'_They need you more.'_

Regret. Guilt. It forced her to remember, to turn to the door and witness the face of the girl she loved, she was _in love with. _The person who was not and could never be hers. It consumed her and ravished her, leaving nothing left but a shell.

'Emily.'

Naomi and Katie weren't talking anymore. Naomi wasn't in the corridor, a safe distance away. She was right there in front of her, the object of Emily's affections, the source of her pain. The _reason _she was there in that hospital bed, or at least she assumed so.

'Oh Emily,' Naomi cried out, stroking her cheek. _The nerve._

'No.'

Her touch was like a dagger running across her skin, marking her irreversibly. Emily closed her eyes, dug her fingernails into the sheets until Naomi's fingers were removed.

'Emily?' Naomi asked, confusion lacing her tears.

'Go. I don't, I can't, no, go.'

The words came out in a jumble, a mess of half sentences and phrases she couldn't quite finish. She opened her eyes and stared up into the blue orbs that used to make her melt, but now, not they _broke _her. Car crash eyes, causing so much pain, yet impossible to not look into. Until Naomi turned around in perplexity and did as Emily asked.

**What did you think? Expect that to happen? Happy about it? Let me know, click that lovely little review button below!**


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer:** I don't own Skins. I do own a copy of the DVD and book.**

Summary: **Ten years later; Naomi and Emily and friends, best friends. They've moved on from their relationship in college, have new loves and new lives that mix regularly. But when things change for the people around them, they find themselves pushed together in more ways than one.**

Author Notes: **This chapter is short. I can't apologise enough because it really should have been part of the last chapter. I could have added filler to make it bigger, but nothing felt right. I hope you'll forgive me and enjoy this chapter, please review.**

**Felt It All Before**

The corridor outside Emily's room was fast becoming the only thing Naomi saw. She sat on a blue, plastic chair that reminded her of the seats at school. Comfort was the last thing on the mind of the people who made them and though they supported her back well, she still hated the feel of plastic against her hands. Every day, two hours, the whole time spent sat on that seat just waiting, hoping and waiting for Emily to see her. Katie left the room, her eyes downturned with a sorrow that Naomi knew too well.

'She won't see me?' Naomi sighed, resting her head into her hands to disguise the tears. 'It's been nearly two weeks Katie.'

'I know, I've tried to talk to her.'

'Try harder,' she lifted her face, couldn't help stare at Katie with contempt and anger, mixed with the tears controlling her anguish.

Katie shook her head. 'For fucks sake Naomi, Emily's in a fucking hospital. If she's crying because I'm talking about you, then I can't fucking push her.'

'Oh, I.' The truth hurt. Naomi had wished for days that Emily would finally see her and that Katie's attempts to get her back in there would be successful. Only they weren't and she began to wonder if they ever would be. 'I'm sorry.'

Katie lowered herself into a seat beside her, rubbing the swelled stomach in front of her. 'She needs time to get over this.'

'Over me you mean,' Naomi spat out, regretting her anger the moment it spilled over. 'You've never liked me and her together, not in college and especially not before the accident.'

'That's not true Naomi, but Emily's recovery is well important and I'm not going to push her when that's what she should be focusing on. Getting well.'

Getting well. Katie was right and Naomi knew that. They'd had near enough the same conversation for a week, when Naomi began to lose hope. Katie's patience, despite being incredibly vulnerable, surprised Naomi. She wished there was a way she could thank her, show her appreciation for everything she'd ever done.

Instead she stood up with as much frustration she'd had all morning and spat out her words. 'Fine, I'll get out of her life then, give you all a break.'

'Naomi.'

'No,' Naomi shook her head and began walking down the corridor. 'You don't want me here, Emily doesn't want me here and if your mum looks at me with those fucking devil eyes one more time, then I'll probably break my knuckles. Call me when she's getting better.'

'Naomi, wait.'

She stopped, the break in Katie's voice made her want to cry. She'd pushed and pushed and now she'd finally pushed her too far. 'What?'

'Emily gets out next week, then we're going to Spain.'

She hadn't pushed too far. Or at least despite of her pushing, Katie was still on her side. Naomi wanted to pull her into a huge hug and tell her how amazing she was. But something about Katie's words left a chill in the air. 'For a holiday?'

'Something like that. Me, Emily and the girls, we're going to go stay with my parents at my grandma's villa.'

She clung to the drinks machine at the end of the corridor, supporting her weak body as she stared at the floor. 'Why?'

'It's relaxing out there, nothing to worry about. Emily needs that to get better and I, I need something more than this right now.'

'Cook.'

The one thing that always lingered there between them, a pain they both shared but never really talked about. Naomi understood, not least because he was her friend, but because she'd almost lost the person she loved too. Katie wasn't the girl she met that first day of college; the bitch, the overpowering sister that cared little for Emily's individuality and more about sucking up to Effy. She was different now; mature beyond her years, broken and living a life she suspected Katie Fitch of yesteryear wouldn't approve of.

'Cook,' Katie repeated, tears in her voice. 'The baby, everything. I have two months before the baby's due. I can't, we, it's hard.'

'Okay,' Naomi nodded, understanding. The lines of age forging their way onto Katie's skin ahead of their time and the sorrow that really had no place in such a life loving woman were enough to leave Naomi with the knowledge that Katie deserved to go away, even if that meant Emily went too.

'I'm sorry Naomi, I wish I could be stronger and keep Emily here.'

'You're right,' Naomi nodded. 'She needs to go somewhere that will be good for her recovery and yours.'

'You're not going to attack me and get mad?' Katie asked in surprise.

'You're fucking pregnant, course not.'

The gap between them closed and Naomi returned to her seat, wrapping her arms around the one person that cared enough. She remembered the arguments they had, the pain they caused each other and Emily and the fact that now they were ten years older, wiser and somehow clinging to each other for support.

'Take care of her,' Naomi cried out, stroking Katie's cheek and kissing it softly. 'Please don't stop trying.'

An answer wasn't needed. Naomi knew she could trust Emily's twin to do the right thing. She walked down the corridor and though words were not needed, it still made her feel better to hear Katie's voice respond.

'I promise.'

**Sorry again it was short, I hope you enjoyed it all the same, let me know!**


	20. Chapter 20: the end part one

Disclaimer:** I don't own Skins. I do own a copy of the DVD and book.**

Summary: **Ten years later; Naomi and Emily and friends, best friends. They've moved on from their relationship in college, have new loves and new lives that mix regularly. But when things change for the people around them, they find themselves pushed together in more ways than one.**

Author Notes: **I wanted to end on chapter 20 but due to the messed-up last couple of chapters it's going to have to be 21. This is part one of the end, part two will hopefully come sometime tomorrow! Thank you so much for the reviews, you guys make writing so worth it, you really do. Please review. :-)**

**Felt It All Before**

_The End Part One_

The cool water tickled Emily's toes as she moved her feet across the tip of the pool. The sun shone brightly, forcing her to reclaim her hat from the grass behind her. She watched as her two nieces played together, splashing and chasing one another across the pool until the youngest became tired and begged Megan to stop.

'Auntie Emily,' Allie squealed, escaping her sister's grasp and an increase of spray from the upturned water. Meg stopped the moment Allie perched herself against the edge of the pool beside a fully clothed Emily.

Megan lay on her back and kicked her legs gently around the pool. 'I love Spain, I want to live here forever.' Allie muttered an agreement and sped off across the pool like a dart, ducking underneath her sister and dragging her under the water beside her.

The two girls continued to play. Emily leant backwards and stared up at the blue sky. The place was peaceful and beautiful. Her recovery was slow and the calming atmosphere certainly made it easier, but she missed home.

'Girls, be careful!' Katie shouted across the garden. Emily lifted her head and smiled as her own sister walked across the lawn, her bare feet wrapping around the strands of grass. She sat down beside Emily, rearranging the baby in her arms.

'They're just having fun,' she informed her. 'Don't worry about them.'

The baby drew Emily's attention away from her nieces. She reached a finger out and stroked his tiny cheek until he wrapped his own mini-fingers around it. Being by Katie's side before and after the birth, Emily felt a bond with her nephew that she hadn't experienced with the girls. She half felt like a second parents and as nice as that was, it was a constant reminder that Cook was never going to take on that role in his son's life.

'Can you hold James? I want to take a dip, this heat is well annoying.'

There was no need for a response, Emily reached out and took him. Katie pulled off her outer layer and slid into the water, causing a slight splash. The baby fussed a little until Emily settled him down. Life had changed, she knew that. She wasn't sure she could ever really go back to the fast paced life she lived before. Not for a while at least. She ran a hand through her shorter locks, still not used to the feel of her, now, brown hair ending several inches short of where it used to. After a while Katie returned to the edge and watched her son.

'He looks so much like him from some angles.'

'Cook?' Katie nodded. 'From up here he looks all Fitch.'

'It's weird, isn't it? He's this brand new person and Cook isn't around anymore, yet I look at him sometimes and I wonder if he ever really left. Or if maybe he's right here.'

Emily let out a soft chuckle. 'He is James Cook's son.' She paused. 'You are aware of what you're letting yourself in for, right?'

A roll of the eyes and Katie climbed back out of the pool, wrapping a towel around her body and sitting down beside Emily. She handed the baby back over.

'He may be a Cook by genes, but he's a Fitch by name.'

'James is really excited to meet his namesake by the way.'

'He knows I named him after Cook,' Katie pointed out, with a raise of her eyebrows.

Emily nodded. 'But he's still called James Fitch and our big little brother has been telling all his mates about little James.'

They laughed until the noise disturbed the baby. Katie carried him back inside. Little James was almost two months old and though they'd had weeks to get used to life with him, Emily knew that Katie was still struggling with life without Cook. She told the girls to get out of the pool and once they were safely lay on the grass drying off, Emily returned to the house.

'Katie?' she muttered, finding her in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with her head lowered.

'It's still fucking hard.'

Emily rested a hand on her back, rubbing the patch of bare skin at the base of her neck. 'I know.' There wasn't much more to be said, so she just stood there, comforting her as best as she could.

xxx

Piling her plate with food, Emily sat down on the veranda of the villa and began to eat. Her appetite had been up and down and it was only just getting back to normal, making her feel hungrier than usual. She'd missed food, missed enjoying every bite and wanting to eat.

'Meg, Allie, come and get some lunch,' Katie called and the two girls ran up the steps from the garden, almost colliding with the table as they came to a standstill by their seats.

Behind them, Rob and Jenna approached the house with a tall, Spanish woman. They sat down at the table, introduced their lunch guest, Penelope and the meal began. Despite their constant fussing for the first few weeks, Emily didn't mind living with her parents again. They cared and for once they actually showed it.

'Penelope is a landscape gardener,' Rob informed everybody as though he was privy to information nobody else was. 'Isn't that right love?'

Penelope nodded. 'I enjoy spending my days outside in the sun and the flowers are just beautiful to work with.'

'Emsy here loves to get her hands dirty.'

The sentence was innocent, yet Emily couldn't help cough on a piece of lettuce that went down the wrong way. She pushed off Jenna, who fussed over her like a small child, until she took a sip of water and returned to normal.

'I'm fine.'

'Emily's still recovering from her accident, the one I told you about earlier,' Jenna reminded Penelope.

There was an atmosphere that Emily couldn't quite place. Her parents angling statements about herself and Penelope to each other and Katie sniggering every so often.

'I think it's time we played tennis, Allie and me against Meg and your Nan, what do you say?'

The two girls whooped and cheered, running off, despite Katie's warning to let their food go down a bit, in search of their tennis rackets. Rob and Jenna cleared the plates.

'How about you take James for a walk while Emily and Penelope get to know each other a little better?' Rob suggested to Katie.

'What?' Emily asked, everything falling into place as the obvious matchmaking finally made sense. 'No.'

'I think that's Katie's decision, don't you?' Rob noted, piling up a couple of plates. 'What do you say? We'll look after the girls.'

In all the weeks she'd been there, Emily hadn't once raised her voice or found reason to get angry. Until now. She couldn't really understand why it made her so mad, but she pushed her chair back with such force that it tumbled to the ground.

'What the fuck are you playing at? I'm not a little child, I don't need you matching me up with people. I don't want to go on a fucking date, if that's what you're thinking. Especially not with someone you've chosen for me.'

Jenna's mouth opened in aghast. 'Emily, you're being rude.'

'No, you're being rude making this poor woman come out here for no reason. Stay out of my fucking life.'

Emily took the steps two at a time as she marched into the house and up to the first floor. She couldn't shake the anger or frustration she felt towards her parents and found herself sitting down on her bed, her head in her hands.

'Fuck,' she called out, her mind filling with the one person she'd done everything she could to forget. Everyday was a distraction, a reason to think of something other than the blonde hair or blue eyes of the only person she wanted. She'd been so focused on getting better and looking after her nieces and nephew that she hadn't taken any time to think about her feelings. So much so that when she finally realised what her parents were trying to do, the whole thing hit her harder than a ton of bricks.

xxx

'I apologised to Penelope,' a voice called out. Emily pulled herself up from where she lay on the bed, until she was perched on the edge.

'I didn't ask her to come here.'

'I know,' Katie sighed, sitting down beside her and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. 'I told mum and dad it was a bad idea, they're being their usual selves. They went to play tennis and Penelope went home.'

'Good.'

Wrapping her arms around Katie's shoulders, Emily rested her face against the crook of her neck. They seemed to swap places often, one day she'd be the rock and others it would be Katie. It mattered to her, that she was there and that they were able to be that person when they needed it most.

'I didn't want to think about her,' Emily finally admitted. 'I tried so hard to think about everything else.'

'Naomi?' Emily nodded. 'It's okay to think about her.'

'No, it's not. I remember better now Katie. I told her to go, I told her to fucking leave me and I regretted it. That's why I crashed, I must have been trying to stop her before it was too late. I didn't want her to go, but she went. Why did she have to do that?'

The tears came then, tears of pain and sorrow. A kind of tears she hadn't cried since that day in the hospital when she'd told Naomi to go. She clung to Katie, desperate for the comfort she wasn't sure would ever be good enough.

'She didn't Emily,' Katie whispered, putting an arm out to separate them. Emily looked into her eyes, saw a different kind of sadness she couldn't understand.

'What do you mean?'

'She changed her mind Emily. After the accident Naomi was by your bedside every single day, sometimes all day. She told Al the truth, she told him that you were the one she wanted to be with. She moved in with Gina, she even faced Gabby and mum.'

'What? Why didn't I know that?' Emily asked, the tears getting worse. Fear of the last few months sending her into a panic. 'I fucked it up, I fucked it all up.'

'No,' Katie tried, stroking the tears from her eyes and cupping her face. 'No, Emily, it's okay, it's okay.'

'It's not, how can you say it is? I love her Katie, I love her too fucking much and I pushed her away. It's too late, it's too fucking late.'

Katie merely shook her head, forcing eye contact. 'Maybe it's not, she didn't give up hope Ems, she loves you too.'


	21. Chapter 21: the end part two

Disclaimer:** I don't own Skins. I do own a copy of the DVD and book.**

Summary: **Ten years later; Naomi and Emily and friends, best friends. They've moved on from their relationship in college, have new loves and new lives that mix regularly. But when things change for the people around them, they find themselves pushed together in more ways than one.**

Author Notes: **Thank you immensely to every single person who has read this story and stayed with me through the unfortunate writer's block break. This story has come to an end and that makes me very sad. I enjoyed this world that I created and I hope you all did too. Please let me know any final thoughts you had on this story, I'd love to hear them.**

**Felt It All Before**

_The End Part Two_

The call came unexpectedly. Naomi had waited, hoped that Katie would get through to Emily. Only, a couple of weeks went by and nothing happened. She began to lose hope, or at least pushed the possibility to the back of her mind. That was, until she answered the phone. She got a flight out the very next day and luckily was able to take some time off work. She packed a bag, found her passport and set off on a journey she hoped would be worth it.

'Naomi,' Katie shouted across the airport arrivals lounge. The last time she saw her she had been pregnant, now she was slimmer and her hair was tied back. She looked good, more like her usual self, a glint returned to her eye that had been lost months ago.

Naomi wrapped her arms around her in greeting. 'How are you? You look great.'

'Oh you know.'

'So there's another baby Cook wandering around?' Naomi grinned, slinging her back onto her shoulder and following Katie out of the airport.

They drove in silence until Katie turned on the radio and they listened to a Spanish DJ talking faster than Naomi could understand. When they reached their destination, Katie turned off the engine and turned to Naomi with regret.

'What's wrong?' Naomi asked, sensing the tone.

Katie gripped the steering wheel with one hand and cleared her throat. 'Emily doesn't know you're coming.'

'What?'

Disappointment overtook the previous feeling of elation. If Emily didn't know she was coming, would she even see her? She doubted that and it left her with a feeling of dread.

'She'll want to see you Naomi.'

'How do you know?' she sighed, closing her eyes. 'Why did you bring me out here if she isn't even ready to see me?'

'It's not like that,' Katie informed her. 'She knows the truth Naomi, she thinks she's got no chance of fixing it. You being here is the only way to make her see that she's worrying about nothing.'

It didn't help but Naomi was there, there was no turning back. She climbed out of the car and picked up her bag before following Katie into a large garden with a pool in the centre. At the back of the house was a veranda with a table, where a little girl sat with a handful of cards. Beside her, was Emily. Naomi's heart began beating faster and she couldn't help wonder if she was making a huge mistake.

'I can't do this,' she gasped, grabbing for Katie's arm. The twin shrugged her off and before she could say anything more, Emily was staring in her direction.

'Megan, how about I play cards with you? Auntie Emily's going to be a bit busy.'

Emily stood up and walked around the table towards the steps. Naomi waited patiently, their eyes barely moving from each others. She heard the little girl talking and Katie responding, but the words didn't process. Emily was there, in front of her, her hair quite short and not at all Emily-like.

'You,' she began to speak but cut herself off.

'That's where Katie was,' Emily whispered. 'Why did you come?'

'Why do you think I came?'

They began to walk, not because either of them suggested it, it just happened. Falling into step beside each other, they set off out of the garden and down a small street. They didn't talk at first, just continued to wander along a road by the sea.

'I didn't know,' Emily began at the same time as Naomi spoke. 'You look so well.'

'Sorry,' they both muttered, before an awkward silence took over them and they ended up laughing.

Naomi followed as Emily took them onto a wooden platform above the beach. They stood against the barrier, staring out across the sea. Despite wanting to go there every day for the last few months, Naomi felt nervous, scared of what might happen. Katie said Emily would want to see her, but in reality, would it work out? She ran her fingers along the grains of the wood, distracting her attention.

'You left him, for me.'

The statement was unexpected, the last thing Naomi thought would come out of Emily's mouth. She turned and leant against the wood, staring at Emily, hoping she'd continue talking to fill the empty space that Naomi's inability to speak was now causing.

'I thought you stayed with him, that's why I didn't want to see you.'

'I didn't, I got home and I realise you were the only person I wanted to be with.'

A sideways glance, a slight smile and look of sheer emotion in Emily's eyes made Naomi close her own. The only thing she'd wanted was for Emily to remember, to know that she was in it forever. Seeing it in her eyes was something, but she needed to hear it too.

'I missed you so much,' Emily sighed, reaching out and wrapping her arms around Naomi's shoulders. She pulled her into a tight embrace and they stood there for a while, just together.

'I missed you too,' Naomi gasped, wrapping her hands around Emily's face and pressing their lips together.

The first touch sent an electric shock down her spine, a lightning bolt designed to wake her up from the recent slump she'd been in. It worked perfectly, their lips moving together until they could barely breath.

'And you're better?' Naomi checked, running her fingers through Emily's hair. 'Other than your hair, you're back to being Emily?'

Emily grinned. 'Taking each day as it comes. But yeah, I'm back to being Emily. I'd rather go back to being Emily and Naomi though.'

'Eomi?' Naomi laughed.

'Naomily?' Emily contributed.

Another wave of kisses later and they began to walk back, the sky growing darker as the sun set around them. They stopped along the road and watched as the sun shone above the sea, a circle of light half dipped into the water. A definition of beauty that under any other circumstance would have captivated Naomi's attention. But she had something better beside her, something that nature didn't create every day and she, Naomi, was lucky enough to be in possession of. Not that she owned Emily, she didn't think she had any right to claim her. But she did have her there, a consistent light in her life.

'Something was bothering me,' Emily's brow furrowed and she lifted a hand between them. 'I want everything behind us so we can start again, properly.'

'What is it?'

'Your mum told me about the night before your wedding, that you married Al because you were pregnant. But, what happened? Why did you get cold feet in the first place?'

'What do you think happened?' Naomi stated. 'I wasn't sure if I wanted to get married when being with Al, marrying Al, was going to stop me from ever being with you. Is that what you wanted to know?'

Emily nodded. 'That's all I wanted to hear.'

Emily's eyes softened and she removed her hand, forcing their lips together in a way of showing Naomi that it was okay. They kissed again, their bodies pressed together as they shared a passionate embrace.

'Didn't really stop you though, did it?'

'Nothing could, not even you living here,' Naomi pointed out. 'Not sure how it's going to work. But if you want to stay here, maybe I could talk to Al and we can work something out.'

A plan was formulating in her mind, flights and childcare, everything she would need to think about. Her job, the home she shared with Al, she considered everything. Then Emily began to laugh and she wondered what was so funny.

'I'm not staying here Naomi. Before I didn't have any reason to argue against it. It's been a fantastic place to recover, to get better. But I'm ready now; ready to go home, ready to get back to doing normal things, ready to be with you.'

'I guess we could make that happen, what about your parents?'

'Katie's planning on staying out here, I think they'll be alright, once the initial shock dies down.'

xxx

Under the setting sun they shared one sight, eyes fixed upon each other. No desire to ever be pulled away. They smiled in mirror image. Naomi reached out to Emily's face and brushed the tips of her fingers against her cheeks. This was it, the moment where life was everything she'd ever wanted it to be. A love designed just for her, for both of them. A long time coming. She couldn't avoid noticing the look of pure happiness on Emily's face and just knew it matched her own.

'This is it.'

'Yes.'

'Emily?'

'Yes, Naomi?'

'We have a future, don't we?' she questioned, a slight shake in her voice portraying her worry.

Emily let out a small laugh and cupped her face. 'It's taken us about ten years to find each other, I'm not letting you go without a fight.'

'Good, because, well you know how much I care. Don't you?'

'I do.'

'That's the thing, do you?'

'Yes, Naomi,' Emily muttered, her brow furrowing in confusion. 'I know how much you care.'

'No,' Naomi laughed. 'I mean, would you be willing to say I do?'

'I just did.'

Naomi shook her head, rolling her eyes with playful frustration. She waited a moment to give Emily time to process before she looked her deep in the eye, holding her gaze with only her own eyes. She took her hand in shaky fingers and lowered one knee to the ground.

'Will you marry me?'

'Oh.'

'We can't do it straight away because I'm still technically married to Al. But I'm in this forever, I was from the start and I want to show you and everyone else.'

'Shut up.'

'What?'

'For once in your life Naomi, stop talking and let me answer.'

'Well?'

'Of course I'll marry you. Even if we have to wait another ten years.'

xxx

They walked back along the darkened road together, their fingers intertwined between them. The sun had set long ago and despite not having eaten, they didn't care much for rushing. Instead they enjoyed each and every second alone that they spent, wandering back towards the house. They stopped in the garden, listening to the gentle sound of cicada's in the distance and there they stood, arm in arm, lips joined as they allowed themselves to feel everything they'd felt once before but had never really cherished.


End file.
